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2010-08-14T23:05:00.001-07:00

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Getting Sentenced

2009-04-17T13:30:00.000-07:00

Saw a man get sentenced to 15 years in prison yesterday.

When the judge read his sentence she mentioned that he was being sentenced on charges that included unusual circumstances.

"Defendant was forced into the illegal sale of base cocaine due to the foreclosure of his home. On his salary as a maintenance worker he could no longer afford to pay the mortgage on his home."

Dude had a wife and 2 little girls too. Luckily, the judge ordered a county jail year and 3 years probation in lieu of his sentence. If he were to violate any condition of his probation . . . off to San Quentin he goes.

Affirmation: Crime is a direct result of poverty.

Today in History: Bataan Death March - April 9, 1942

2009-04-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

At dawn, 9 April 1942, and against the orders of Generals Douglas MacArthur and Jonathan Wainwright, Major General Edward P. King, Jr., commanding Luzon Force, Bataan, Philippine Islands, surrendered more than 75,000 (67,000 Filipinos, 1,000 Chinese Filipinos, and 11,796 Americans) starving and disease-ridden men. He inquired of Colonel Motoo Nakayama, the Japanese colonel to whom he tendered his pistol in lieu of his lost sword, whether the Americans and Filipinos would be well treated. The Japanese aide-de-camp replied: “We are not barbarians.” The majority of the prisoners of war were immediately robbed of their keepsakes and belongings and subsequently forced to endure a 90-mile (140 km) enforced march in deep dust, over vehicle-broken macadam roads, and crammed into rail cars to captivity at Camp O’Donnell. Thousands died en route from disease, starvation, dehydration, heat prostration, untreated wounds, and wanton execution.

Those few who were lucky enough to travel to San Fernando on trucks still had to endure more than twenty-five miles of marching. Prisoners were beaten randomly, and were often denied promised food and water. Those who fell behind were usually executed or left to die; the sides of the roads became littered with dead bodies and those begging for help.

On the Bataan Death March, approximately 54,000 of the 75,000 prisoners reached their destination. The death toll of the march is difficult to assess as thousands of captives were able to escape from their guards. All told, approximately 5,000-10,000 Filipino and 600-650 American prisoners of war died before they could reach Camp O'Donnell.

(via Wikipedia)

Wondering

2009-03-26T13:41:00.001-07:00

Why news of the rape of a 12 year old girl in Oakland wasn't reported to the Oakland School District? Why wasn't the community notified back in February?

Why does the public have information on this separate case when we're still unclear as to why Lovelle Mixon was stopped in the first place?

Is the Oakland Police Department trying to justify gunning down another black male?
Yes, I know he shot first with an assault weapon but still...

Quick Tidbit Regarding Lovelle Mixon

2009-03-24T17:13:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to go into a full blown opinion on the happenings in Oakland this weekend. My immediate reaction to the police officer shootings was simply, "Finally, someone's fighting back." Anything more than that would just be controversial and frankly, after the past two weeks I've had, there is very little energy left in me to get passionate right now.

What I do want to mention is this little tidbit I read in the news:

"Then, about three weeks ago, Mixon skipped a home visit from his parole officer, his family said. Mixon's grandmother said he had gotten angry at his parole officer because the agent had missed earlier appointments. Gordon Hinkle, a spokesman for the state Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, said the family's assertion that the parole agent had missed a meeting was "highly unlikely," but added that he is researching the matter. He said the department had issued a no-bail, parole revocation warrant for Mixon's arrest after he failed to appear for a meeting with his parole officer."
-SF Chronicle

Its the primary job of parole and probation officers to make sure that their clients are closely supervised while out on parole/probation. But, if the parole/probation officer isn't doing his/her job . . . can they be in part to blame for the chain of events that unfolded? Parole officers are supposed to do regular home checks on their parolees... if Mixon's parole officer had done a home check . . . would he/she have found the AK-47 and thus, have prevented the entire tragedy from occuring?

Today in Women's History

2009-03-19T16:48:00.000-07:00

from the KQED Women's History 2009

"Lieutenant Lea Militello began her career in law enforcement in 1981. One of only a handful of lesbians out at that time, Militello recognized the need to further open the lines of communication between the LGBT community and the San Francisco Police Department. She developed a training program for incoming recruits to help bridge the gap, and since then has met with countless police agencies across the country assisting them in developing similar programs, so they may effectively interact and develop partnerships with the LGBT communities they serve.

Militello was one of the founders and is the current president of the San Francisco Police Officers Pride Alliance, founded to support and fight for the rights of LGBT officers in law enforcement. Prior to her recent promotion to lieutenant, Militello was assigned to the San Francisco Police Department Homicide Detail, where her and her partner became the first lesbian and gay team to work homicide. They made numerous arrests in the cases they investigated and have attained a 100% conviction rate. Militello has received the California Police Officers Association Police Officer of the Year, The San Francisco Police Department Silver medal of valor, two bronze medals of valor, 3 meritorious conduct awards, 5 police commission commendations and a purple heart (which she was awarded for being stabbed in the line of duty in 2003).

Militello shares her home with her longtime partner Annamarie and their son Ryan, a sophomore at Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo majoring in mechanical engineering."

Read: 100% conviction rate!!!

Alternatives for Conflict Resolution in High Schools

2009-03-19T12:26:00.000-07:00

The principal and other staff members at South Oak Cliff High School were supposed to be breaking up fights. Instead, they sent troubled students into a steel utility cage in an athletic locker room to battle it out with bare fists and no head protection, records show.

-Dallas News, "Dallas ISD records show school held 'cage fights'"

Is this an acceptable method of conflict resolution to teach our young children?

I'm not saying it's the best way for two people to resolve conflict, but if the alternative is that a teenager pulls a gun out on the street after school and blasts one round on his classmates. . . I would vote yes. The high school administrators do have a progressive idea for modern youth to resolve conflict between and within themselves: physical activity. In middle school I volunteered as a peer in the conflict resolution program and of course no one took it seriously The conflicts lasted far beyond a half hour session of "he said/she said" finger pointing and I would end up watching the same kids on the basketball courts brawling after school. (That says something about my ability as peer facilitator but hey, I was only 13!)

But given a pair of boxing gloves, head and mouth gear, and an unbiased facilitator who will call the fight when he/she feels that one party is doing too much damage... its like starting a boxing club at a high school. What a grand idea! I hear my colleagues at the NOVA (No Violence Alliance) program, which works with repeat violent male offenders, constantly referring clients to boxing clubs in the City. There must be some positive ends to such drastic means.

And yes, not everyone will benefit from fisticuffs nor would they want to engage in that kind of resolution. I'm sure the high school computer nerd wouldn't want to step into a cage with the young black football player after accidentally stepping on his Pumas.

Today in Women's History

2009-03-18T16:03:00.001-07:00

Solveig Barlow, aka Sol, is a 10 year old female graffiti artist. In an industry dominated by men, Sol is celebrated for her work and has recently been compared to another British street artist named Banksy. But the young miss dismisses the comparison in a very Alpha Female-like attempt to be recognized on her own merit as a graffiti artist. To date Ms. Barlow, who began spray painting at the age of 8, has created 20 legal graffiti pieces which can be found in her hometown of Brighton, England.

Utilizing bright colors and cartoon-like characters, Sol's art is a statement of the zestful inner-child as opposed to graffiti that symbolizes gang culture and territorial markings. From zoo animals to breakfast foods, Sol creates dreamworlds underneath highway overpasses and abandoned building walls. In response to the growing popularity of her work, she has also begun to expand the scope of her artistry by dabbling in tattoos. Not only has she been asked to design tattoo art for customers, she's also putting the needle to the skin herself. Who says you can't start a lucrative career before you've even hit puberty!?

I'm diggin little Miss' steez hardcore. Tattoos, graffiti and inner child aside... check the hat, stunna shades and gold chain Sol's rockin! If that isn't a modern manifestation of true 80's hip hop, I don't know what is. Much love, young sistah!

Get acquainted @ Flickr: SuperSolveig

"I have no plans to stop so watch out for me."
-Sol, age 10.

The First Woman

2009-03-17T21:10:00.001-07:00

Mama and Auntie Nida in Manila.

2008

Since it's women's history month, I had to do a very loud shout out to my mother who just received a long overdue promotion! What I love? 1) She was so excited about getting her own office. ("I get a door!") and 2) Mama's got a government job in the Department of Social Services in Santa Barbara. Who says that there aren't government employees who don't work for the people?

Initially studying to be a nurse my mother had to drop out of college to travel with my daddy around the world. Sound romantic? It really was. But relocation didn't stop her, oh no. My mother was able to attend classes at a small business college and soon made her name as an accountant. (Typical Filipino, for real.) I remember when I was in grade school she worked two jobs and hustled long enough to buy herself a Lexus.

But it doesn't stop there. My mother's success is a large inspiration when it comes to dreaming my own dreams. Not only has she successfully put two strong Filipino women through college (and about to graduate a little Filipino man) but she's got everything she wants in life, at least from what I can see. Including that new Coach bag. I know that my father's support was integral to the process and I love his story of success equally. But because she is an Alpha and because she is a Female... I want to holler at the First Woman in my life. <3

Today in Women's History

2009-03-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

San Francisco's Nancy Pelosi fights for rights of speech as the presiding officer to the United States House of Representatives. Second in the presidential line of succession, she would assume the role of President if something (god forbid) were to happen to Barack Obama and Joe Biden. Representing Bay Area nationwide!! =)

Sara Jane Olson, community organizer, activist, film actress, and former member of the Symbionese Liberation Army was released from the Central California's Women's Fac il ity in Chowchilla, CA today. Olson was was sentenced to two consecutive 10 years-to-life terms for possession of explosives and an additional six years in prison for first degree murder.

Any women you know making the news today?

Tattoo by Victor Trujillo

2009-03-15T18:15:00.001-07:00

Activism Right There Festival - U.C. Berkeley

2009-03-12T21:00:00.001-07:00

I apologize for the picture quality, I'm no photographer and I could barely stand still through the music. There was a sign outside that said "NO CAMERAS" so I assumed that I couldn't take any pictures and had my flash off for the first couple of performances. But by the the time Bambu came out, I said "Fuck it" and camera flashed away. And, dammit, I failed to catch a flick of Brwn Bflo... but they were pretty effin' sick performers.

My girl, Haze, of 40Love

Los Rakas

Zumbi of Zion I

DJ AmpLive of Zion I

Bambu

(check the story here)

DJ Phatrick

Invincible

And the dance crews!! I only took shots of the B-Girls cause they held it down....

Brown BGirl Representin'

White BGirl Representin'

Turf Fiends

My Sistahs!

(not pictured: Ms. Tonya Galvante & Ms. Daphnee Valdez)

All in all, a night well spent. The performances were slappin'. The poets inspirin'. And the vibe was swell all around. My only *ish of the night? Ms. Thang standing next to me loudly complaining, "God! Why do they keep talking about Palestine!? It's making me sad!" Duh, girl this is an activist event! Where the fuck did you think you were at, a Britney Spears concert!?

2nd Annual Activism Right There (A.R.T.) Festival, 3.10.09

2009-03-07T18:25:00.000-08:00

Host: JENNIFER JOHNS (Oakland)
DJ: K-SALAAM (Minneapolis)$5 youth under 21 and students $10 non-student adults

Tickets will be available soon at the Zellerbach Box Office, or at http://tickets.berkeley.edu/

The event will kick off with a panel discussion by the Third World Liberation Front. TwLF originated in the late 1960's at San Francisco State University (my alma mater!) as a coalition of the Black Students Union, the Latin American Students Organization, the Filipino-American Students Organization, and El Renacimiento, a Mexican-American student organization. Together these organizations led protests, strikes, and sit-ins that eventually lead to the establishment of SFSU's College of Ethnic Studies and expansion of the Black Studies department. This event will celebrate, honor and encourage student activism through art: music, dance, and spoken word.

Performances by: (not full list)

I'm hella looking forward to catching another set by my new obsession 40Love. I caught their performance last night at Milk and was blown away by the powerhouse female emcee Haze. Not only does this fly Miss have style I can relate to (wife beaters and kicks all day, ya'll) but she has a tongue that spits Bambu-style like a machine gun. AND SHE'S FROM THE BAY. I had to bow down. Last weekend I lost out on the Blue Scholars performance (FML!) and I don't wanna miss out on another chance to get lifted! I haven't heard live music since Hopie and Bambu blew the stage out at FatCity, damn..... My body, my mind, and my soul are awake and alert now. I am ready to be rejuvenated by my favorite love: hip hop.

San Francisco Creates Another Stupid Crime

2009-03-07T12:40:00.000-08:00

A San Francisco judge has ordered a dozen of the city's most prolific recycling scavengers to stop looting bottles, cans and cardboard from curbside bins.

The court's order, which came at the request of the city's garbage company, aims to crack down on a problem that residents say creates litter and noise and Sunset Scavenger says costs it millions of dollars a year.

The preliminary injunction is the latest effort to stop a wave of recycling theft sweeping California amid rising metal prices and falling employment. Violators would face maximum fines of $1,000 and up to 6 months in jail for each violation.

Sunset Scavenger, San Francisco's official waste hauler, went to court after receiving thousands of complaints from consumers who said organized crews of recycling "poachers" were becoming hostile and dangerous.

[ read article ]

Violent recycling theft? Are you serious?! The only people I see wheeling carts of aluminum cans and bottles around are old Asian people. That's right, Lolo and Lola trying to make an honest buck out of another person's trash. I can just imagine a gang of 60 year old senior citizens attacking the trash man with their walkers and tagging up his garbage truck with spray paint.

Why should NorCal Waste Systems, Inc. have the monopoly on San Francisco recyclables? Is it so wrong that in "a faltering economy" that those who can't work make money by other non-criminal means? Yes, I understand that digging through those black and blue bins can be extremely dangerous considering the amount of bacteria that one would come into contact with... but a health code violation shouldn't warrant 6 months in jail. A monetary fine equal to the amount of loot seems reasonable, don't you agree? It's ridiculous to think that someone who gains income by digging through waste can also afford to pay a $1000 fine. Trust, they do NOT make $2 million a year, not even close.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there is a gang of recyclable theives who run rampant through the City. From my point of view, it's just another example of how a Sucka Free and Green City resident hustles to make a living and how the government tries to punish him/her for doing so.

RIP Francis Magalona

2009-03-06T15:10:00.000-08:00

"Mga kababayan ko, dapat lang malaman nyo, bilib ako sa kulay ko.Ako ay Pilipino..."

(My countrymen, you should know I believe in my color. I am Filipino.)

Pinoy Rapper Francis Magalona (aka Francis M.) died today in Pasig City, Philippines. Magalona was diagnosed with leukemia last August. The rapper and his family insisted that his medical condition be kept private but publicly sought blood donations while being hospitalized.

Magalona began his career in the early 1980's as the hip hop movement rose in the Phillipines. Starting out as a breakdancer and DJ, Magalona went on to star in several Pinoy films and his own TV show on MTV Asia titled, "Eat... Bulaga!" Magalona's biggest hit "Mga Kababayan Ko" was the first rap experience for many Pinoy youth on the Islands.

Read more about Francis M. and his last days [here]

"Kung may itim o may puti, mayroon namang kayumanggi, isipin mo na kaya mong abutin ang iyong minimithi."

(If there are blacks and whites, there are also browns, just think that you can achieve what you dream about.)

True Crime Stories of San Francisco

2009-03-05T16:53:00.000-08:00

The following are true stories from San Francisco county inmates that I have encountered while working in the City and County of San Francisco jails. Reading police reports on a daily basis, I am slowly (but not entirely) losing my faith in the way our criminal justice system works. Many of the inmates that I have come into contact with have committed non-violent crimes, pose no threat to public safety and are more community nuisances than they are criminals.

"B. is a 63 year old Black female with arthritis in her left leg and a broken left wrist. B. suffers from early stages of dementia brought on by a long history of alcohol abuse. She was evicted from her residential hotel room and was forced to sleep on the streets. With no address, Social Security was unable to locate B. and distribute her monthly disability income. After 6 months on the streets, B. was arrested in the Tenderloin by police officers for sleeping on the sidewalk."

"K. is a 47 year old Filipino male who was petitioned by his family to live and work in the United States. Upon arrival to San Francisco, K. and his partner opened up a salon in Outer Mission where K. worked as a hairstylist. After a few years K.'s partner passed away and K. sunk into a deep depression. He was forced to close the salon and could no longer afford to pay rent for his apartment. After months of transition between the houses of close friends, K. finally ended up on the street. He developed an infection in his right ankle and was unable to receive medical assistance because he did not have health insurance. Eventually, K. had to undergo an above the knee amputation. Among the long list of other medical conditions with which K. suffers are acute renal disease and diabetes. K. has been able to survive on the streets of San Francisco through petty drug sales and kind donations from the Filipino Community on 6th Street. K. was arrested by an undercover police officer for possession and sales of methamphetamine. K. had less than one gram of methamphetamine in his possession."

"G. is a 57 year old Black male. G. is homeless and currently receives disability benefits of $1000 a month. The owners of the building he sleeps in pay him $10 a day to sweep up the building and its surrounding areas. One day, G. walked by an undercover police officer dressed as a homeless drunk. The officer kept falling down and was trying to hold himself up by leaning up against a parking meter. Clearly visible was a $20 bill hanging out of his front jacket pocket. G. approached the man and said, 'Man, you're money is about to fall out of your pocket.' The officer fell down again, began screaming obscenities at G. and the money fell out of his pocket. G. picked up the $20 and walked away. Shortly after, he was arrested for theft."

"P. is a 19 year old Black male. At the age of 2, P. was given over to the foster care system because his mother was unable to care for him due to her drug abuse. P. grew up alternating between group homes and juvenile hall. At age 18, P. was aged out of the juvenile justice system and was brought to San Francisco. He has no contact with his birth family. P. has no employment and the education of a 5th grader. P. spent the past year sleeping on the streets or on BART trains and manages a small income from petty drug sales and panhandling. Currently, he owes $600 in BART fare evasion tickets. At the age of 19, P. was arrested for conspiracy to sell drugs."

Stop. Think about it.

The amount of money spent on housing people in jail compared to the actual cost of the crime they committed is completely unbalanced. A January article posted on San Francisco Citizen states that "the cost per inmate is $170,000 to $230,000 per year." These stats are for state prison inmates, those who have committed serious crimes like murder and major drug trafficking as well as white collar crimes like embezzlement and insurance fraud. (Though white collar criminals usually end up in kush low-security prisons fitted with flat screens and recliners.) On a county level, the cost to house an inmate in the San Francisco County Jail runs between $100-$250 a day, depending on the inmates health needs.

Did these people deserve to be put in jail for their actions? What would you do if you had no job, no home, no family or friends? How would you survive? When I was first interviewed for the job, my interviewer asked, "What do you think is the leading cause of crime in San Francisco?" The answer? Poverty. Not just here in the City but in every urban environment. I met a client once who was rearrested within 24 hours of being released from county jail. He had no money and had nothing to eat, so what did he do? He walked into a liquor store and lifted a sandwich and a bag of chips. Boom, back in custody.

Meanwhile, drive-by shooters in the Tenderloin are escaping down a ONE WAY BRIDGE to the East Bay and 24 port-a-potties have been set on fire with the suspect still at large.

What exactly is the San Francisco Police Department focusing on here?

My Hood: Lakeview, San Francisco

2009-02-25T20:07:00.000-08:00

Former SF Supervisor Brings the City's Progressiveness to the State

2009-02-24T13:46:00.000-08:00

California would become the first state in the nation to legalize marijuana for recreational use under a bill introduced Monday by Assemblyman Tom Ammiano of San Francisco.

The proposal would regulate marijuana like alcohol, with people over 21 years old allowed to grow, buy, sell and possess cannabis - all of which is barred by federal law.

Ammiano, a Democrat in his third month as a state lawmaker, said taxes and other fees associated with regulation could put more than a billion dollars a year into state coffers at a time when revenues continue to decline.

He said he thinks the federal government could soften its stance on marijuana under the Obama administration.

"We could in fact have the political will to do something, and certainly in the meantime this is a public policy call and I think it's worth the discussion," Ammiano said. "I think the outcome would be very healthy for California and California's economy."

A spokeswoman for the Drug Enforcement Agency in Washington, D.C., declined to comment on the proposal. A White House spokesman referred to a statement on a question-and-answer section of an Obama transition team blog that says the president "is not in favor of the legalization of marijuana."

While Californians have shown some tolerance for marijuana, such as use for medical conditions with voters' passage of Proposition 215 in 1996, the proposal will face tough opposition in Sacramento.

A lobbyist for key police associations in the state called it "a bad idea whose time has not come."

"The last thing our society needs is yet more legal intoxicants," said John Lovell, who represents the California Peace Officers' Association, California Police Chiefs Association and California Narcotic Officers' Association. "We've got enough social problems now when people aren't in charge of all five of their senses."

But Ammiano's proposal has the support of San Francisco Sheriff Michael Hennessey, who said the idea "should be the subject of legislative and public debate."

It also has the backing of Betty Yee, who chairs the state Board of Equalization, which collects taxes in California. An analysis by the agency concluded the state would collect $1.3 billion a year from tax revenues and a $50-an-ounce levy on retail sales if marijuana were legal.

The analysis also concluded that legalizing marijuana would drop its street value by 50 percent and increase consumption of the substance by 40 percent.

A spokesman for the Marijuana Policy Project, which advocates for reform in marijuana laws and is backing Ammiano's proposal, said any expected increase in consumption is a "false notion."

"They are making an intuitive assumption that a lot of people make that really does not have that much evidence behind it," said Bruce Mirken, the group's spokesman, who predicted it could take up to two years before the idea wins legislative approval.

"Don't tell me that doing something like (this) proposal is going to introduce another drug into society. That's a load of bull."
-SFGate.com

In My Line of Work...

2009-02-17T16:23:00.001-08:00

I have been taught that one victory is worth a thousand losses.

Being a "professional worrier" is part of my job description.

I have no power over other people's lives, no matter how much I wish I did.

I do the paperwork, God takes care of the rest.

Regardless of how many hours I put in, the work will never be done.

Happy Birthday Bob!

2009-02-06T14:51:00.000-08:00

"Life and Jah are one in the same. Jah is the gift of existence. I am in some way eternal, I will never be duplicated. The singularity of every man and woman is Jah’s gift. What we struggle to make of it is our sole gift to Jah. The process of what that struggle becomes, in time, the Truth."

"Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake up and live! "

“When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself.”

<3>

Razor Sharp Enterprises Presents "This Is Why I'm So Angry!"

2009-02-05T17:24:00.001-08:00

Spoken Word/Poetry Reading
Featuring: at-risk youth from the S.F. Boys Group home and special guest appearances of some of the Bay Area's best spoken word artists.

February 12, 2009
Marcus Books
1712 Fillmore Street
San Francisco, CA 94115
5pm-6pm
Snacks & Drinks will be served

Get ye to the children and help support them in their transition back into a society that has written them off. Come show some love for these special and powerful youth!

Sponsored by: Marcus Book Stores, the Village Project, I.C.A.N. (Inner City Adolescents Network), "J"s Temple of Islam, Y.M.C.A., United Playaz, & S.E.O.P (Senior Ex-Offenders Program)

The Struggle Continues in the Bay Area

2009-02-02T17:34:00.000-08:00

7 East Bay teens arrested - hate crime alleged.

One minute he was hanging out with seven seemingly friendly guys in a park, the next he said he was on the ground, the blows coming from all sides, a fist or foot landing hard enough to fracture six bones in his face.

But it was the words accompanying the blows that made Manning, 24, think he was about to die.

"Coon." And then, "How do you like this, you f-ing n-?"

A week after the Jan. 24 incident, Richmond police officers arrested seven East Bay teenagers on suspicion of felony assault with a deadly weapon - a hate crime investigation delayed five days because of a police clerical error.

The seven are white. Manning is black.

"I don't understand how somebody could do that in this day and age," Manning said Sunday. "I never, never thought it would happen to me."

Not in California and not in the East Bay, Manning said.

The Case Against Officer Mehserle.

2009-02-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

Exhibit A - Sig Sauer P226 Pistol

Exhibit B- X26 Taser Gun

I've only held two guns in my life and neither of them were a taser. Looking at the pictures, I notice that the trigger for both guns are in different locations but in the same vicinity. As for size and weight, they look almost the same. It could have been an honest mistake made by anyone... but a police officer? Officer Mehserle states that he meant to grab his taser and not his pistol. If Mehserle's lawyer is able to prove that claim in a court of law, Mehserle can avoid facing a murder sentence. There is a likelihood that Mehserle is going to avoid any serious criminal charges but he is going to face serious civil suits. The San Francisco Chronicle reports that the family of Oscar Grant is pursuiting a $25 million dollar wrongful death suit and all Mehserle's gotta do is file for bankruptcy to avoid having to pay a dime.

But can you imagine what it would be like for him should he get sentenced to prison time? A white male officer sitting in San Quentin for the murder of a black unarmed male. That's justice, in my opinion. It may sound like a generalization but how many white male law enforcement agents do you know in San Quentin, in general?

Someone must serve as the martyr for the white male law enforcement community.

Pisces Horoscope 02.01.09

2009-02-01T15:45:00.000-08:00

Kicking off the birthday month! Only 27 days left of being 24!

"Today may feel like your lucky day. Your feeling of good fortune could inspire you to take big chances that could garner huge winnings. There may be a dream you want to pursue but have been too scared to go for because of the risk involved. Think of what your life could be like if you were living the dream rather than dreaming about it."

-DailyOm

The Forgotten Pastime

2009-01-28T17:12:00.001-08:00

Tiny confession about my dark side? I'm kind of a klepto. Now, I don't just steal without purpose, I mean, my apartment isn't full of unnecessary knickknacks that I accumulate as a result of my minor addiction. I tend to swipe books and cosmetics and I only swipe from corporations, never (okay, only once) from other people or from Mom and Pop/underground/small businesses. I don't know why. Luckily, I've only gotten caught once . . . trying to lift the biography of Martin Luther King, Jr. from a school library. (Oh, the shame.)

Anyway, my point is even though it wasn't one of my new year's resolutions for 2009, I have pledged to read as many books as I can this year. I had forgotten what an escapist experience it is to get lost in literature. Since I'm destined to live the next few months in my own solitude, I'm actually excited about the prospect of reading a ton of new books. Fiction, nonfiction, self-help, biographies... I'm ready to read them all. Yes, even those goddamn soft core teen porn novels about vampires. Already I've gotten two books under my belt this month alone: The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene and Hellions by Maria Raha. I'm currently reading Miles from Nowhere by Nami Mun, a story about a young Korean American runaway surviving in the Bronx and am halfway through Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert which I started back in November. Among the books I'm excited to delve into: The Gangster of Love by Jessica Hagedorn; Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction by David Sheff; Cebu by Peter Bacho; and The Price: My Rise and Fall As Natalia, New York's #1 Escort by Natalie McLennan.

Got any good recommendations?

The Future is for the Kids

2009-01-27T15:20:00.000-08:00

Amidst all the feelings of hope and change that have been floating around following the election and inauguration of President Barack Obama, I have been secretly harboring cynicism about the fate of our future. As I continued to work in the streets and become increasingly aware of the rise and nature of crimes in the 7x7 area of San Francisco, my negativity seems validated. In a recent post on love in the first month of 2009, I remarked how I was lost in a state of limbo... I was devoid of hope and drive, not just about my own life but the world at large as well. It was extremely disheartening.

Luckily, I know how to remedy my personal maladies.

First, let me start by saying that I know nothing about kids. Just the other day I attended my first baby shower and found that I lacked the social etiquette necessary for that type of event. When the mother-to-be opened gifts, I oohed and aahed even though I had no clue what half of the items were. At one point she held up what looked like a tiny toilet brush and I imagined the most horrendous application of it. Thinking it was something used to clean out baby bottoms, I shrieked hella loud, "What the fuck is that for?!" It was a bottle cleaner.

I had so many questions about child birth, things I probably should have asked in my college Human Sexuality class... had I ever gone.

What happens to the umbilical cord after it gets cut? Does it retract back into the mother's body like an electrical cord or does it just hang there? Does the mother's belly turn into a large flap of skin after the child is born? How does a fetus breathe inside the mother's stomach? What does it feel like to breast feed? Does it hurt? Do you ever get turned on?

I didn't say that last question out loud because, yeah, it sounds stupid, but it's a VALID question! Amazing how much a baby shower made me, a woman on the verge of 25, feel like an infant. The party served as a gentle reminder that I am soooo not at that point in life where I can even think about thinking about children. My girl said it best, "Stick to bachelorette parties, eL. You're not ready for baby showers." So true, though I doubt I'm ready for those either.

But I digress.

In an attempt to rise up out of my previously mentioned funky mood, I decided to start volunteering for the Toddler Hour at the Salvation Army Harbor House. I've always believed that giving love is the best way to feel love so for the next couple months I have a standing date to hang out with 1-2 year old kids playing with toys, singing songs, and laughing for no other reason than the fact that life is good. It's been so long since I've been around anyone younger than the age of 16, I'd forgotten how easy life can be.

It wasn't hard for me to find joy in bouncing a rubber ball or stacking wooden blocks. I found immense therapy in singing my own hip-hop rendition of Row, Row, Row Your Boat to a group of eager toddlers. In fact, seeing the innocence in a 2 year old's cheerful eyes reminded me why I continue to struggle: if not to see a better world for myself, then to make a better world for these kids. They know nothing of the economic slump that has cut over 2.6 million jobs last year or the 800+ deaths in Gaza. They have no knowledge of police brutality or of the fact that the population of San Quentin State Prison is almost as large as the population of freshmen enrolling for the first time at San Francisco State University. I struggle now so that they don't have to.

But it's a mistake to say that today's youth have no knowledge of the troubles in our country. I recently came across an article on Newsweek.com that highlighted letters written by elementary school children, addressed to President Obama. Among the congratulatory sentiments and questions of "How does it feel to be the first black president?" the children made note of the issues they found pertinent to their own futures. If the children are aware of the struggle, isn't it in our best interests to make sure the struggle isn't for nothing?

"I wish for you to stop the war. And help the poor people to get jobs. I wish that you will be able to help immigrants get papers to come to our country." -Jowana Melendez, 3rd Grade

"Another thing is that you want to improve education for future kids. For example, you want to make college affordable for all kids so they won't have to pay a lot of money. President Obama, you will make big changes. You believe that all the money that we are wasting in Iraq could be spent on reasonable stuff like new supplies for schools, new programs and technology. You want to cut taxes for people who earn less than $250,000 a year." - Jessica Collado, 5th Grade

"President Obama, you encourage me and all of America to follow their dreams. We could be anything. You opened a door to everyone.
President Obama, may you please try to come up with new ways to help homeless people? I wish you and your family lots and lots of luck. I promise to follow you and Joe Biden's rules." -Mohamed Bamba, 5th Grade
"President Obama, can you stop the violence in our streets?" -Kris Alvarez, 4th Grade

[read full article here]

The Year of the Ox is upon us and I am refreshed today by the promise of a healthier world for my unborn child. I know my struggle has purpose, that my life has meaning, and that there is hope for our future. Sometimes, I need to be reminded.

And dude, if a 5th grader can tell that we're wasting money in Iraq, why can't our government?

Backsies!

2009-01-22T21:03:00.000-08:00

2009 NBA All Stars Announced // The Return

2009-01-22T20:34:00.000-08:00

WEST:

Chris Paul
Kobe Bryant
Yao Ming
Amar'e Stoudamire
Tim Duncan

EAST:

Allan Iverson
Dwayne Wade
Dwight Howard
Kevin Garnett
Lebron James

And Mama's got tickets to the Jam session and All Star Practice. Fuck yeah, getting the best of my Phoenix trip.
-----

Ellis plans Friday return to Warriors
By GREG BEACHAM

OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) — Monta Ellis will be in the Golden State Warriors' lineup for the first time this season Friday night when they host the Cleveland Cavaliers.

The Warriors (13-30) decided after Thursday's practice to welcome back Ellis, who has missed the entire season while recovering from a sprained ankle sustained in an accident on a motorized scooter last summer.

Ellis has been back at practice for several weeks with the Warriors, who suspended him for 30 games without pay after the incident. The high-scoring guard got a six-year, $66 million contract extension about one month before crashing his scooter.

Tribute to Oscar Grant by Zion I & Mistah Fab

2009-01-11T21:17:00.001-08:00

Violence Births Violence

2009-01-07T23:07:00.000-08:00

Protests over BART Shooting Turn Violent
-SFgate.com

Didn't I say that the world would become increasingly violent REGARDLESS of the election of the first black male? Didn't I say that it doesn't fucking matter because the people are getting RESTLESS? Dont get me wrong, I believe in peace, I believe that if we send positivity out into the world we will receive positive things .... but I also believe that the only way we will overcome oppression is if we TAKE justice instead of WAIT for it to be given to us.

Change in the world isn't going to happen with a turn in government office... American society will continue on its destructive ways regardless of who is sitting in the Oval Office.

DO NOT WAIT FOR JUSTICE! DEMAND IT. Fuck it, let's get violent.

Bambu said it best: "Jay-Z and Barack ain't changed my block.....A black president ain't gonna change what Americans see. " (Like Us, Bambu) Listen to it here.

---
I wasn't at the protest tonight but I was in Oakland. I decided to expend my energy and efforts at a different struggle.

Golden State Warriors vs. Los Angeles Lakers: 106 to 114.

Still a good game. Fuck Laker fans. WARRIOR FANS TALK BETTER SHIT (at least!)

The Future Stands Shoulder to Shoulder with the Past.

2009-01-07T17:15:00.001-08:00

Two Thousand Nine.

2009-01-01T12:10:00.000-08:00

Two Thousand Eight.... you were an AMAZING year and if I could, I would relive you over and over and over and over again. But here I go... looking toward the future with high hopes.

This year I resolve :

to quit smoking cigarettes for the millionth time.

to start studying for the LSAT because the courts are screaming my name and I'm compelled to answer their call.

to stop using lack of funds and/or a demanding work schedule as an excuse to not spend time with my family and friends. This goes double for my TMK homies who I miss so much.

to continue learning the art of game because ... it's fun. =)

but, more importantly to love freely, openly, and honestly because a Pisces is only at her best when she stays true to her emotional self.

Wish me luck and happy new year, ya'll. Let's make it a good one!

Is Life Just Getting Better??

2008-12-29T12:26:00.000-08:00

If this article has any kind of truth in it . . . I will give up smoking weed, drinking alcohol AND talking shit about the Lakers. I put that on everything!! Bring my boo back and get rid of Maggette!! (Okay, maybe I wouldn't give up trees but....)

According to Stephen Jackson, who spent Saturday with his friend Baron Davis, the former Warriors guard wouldn’t mind being traded back to Golden State. Jackson has already launched the campaign to get Davis back to Oakland.

“That’s all we talked about,” Jackson said. “I went to his house, spent some time with his mom and his grandmother. He wants to come back. And if he wants to come back, I want him back.”

Obviously, things haven’t gone well in Los Angeles. The Clippers are 8-21 after getting smoked by Dallas at home on Sunday afternoon. But Davis has said all along he didn’t want to leave. Get this: Clippers owner Donald Sterling is a huge fan of Corey Maggette and didn’t want him to go. Maggette plus one could get the deal done. Jackson’s already started lobbying.

“I think that would be great for us,” Jackson said. “Coach loves him. Him and (guard) Monta (Ellis) have good chemistry. If they could work that out, that would be great for the organization.”

-from InsideBayArea.com

** UPDATE**

So, after getting my hopes up... Matt Steinmetz posted this article in the Examiner. Way to break a girl's heart man.

Baron Not Likely to Return to Warriors

Best Christmas Gift Ever

2008-12-28T14:03:00.000-08:00

I know I'm a little late on this but this was the best Christmas present ever!!

My boo, Monta Ellis courtside with the most obnoxious bling on his ear. You're so hot. I can't wait to see you back in your uniform!

Marco Bellinelli playing with the big Boston boys and SCHOOLING them.

Golden State Warriors vs Boston Celtics: 99 to 89.

Monta Ellis Tells All

2008-12-24T13:25:00.000-08:00

“I woke up around noon and called Baron and Elton,” Ellis said. “Yes, that Baron [Davis] and Elton [Brand]. You see, the plan was for Baron to re-sign and Elton to join the two of us in Golden State. We were going to be the West Coast version of Boston’s ‘Big Three’…only better.”

However, when the injury occurred, Baron and Elton apparently reconsidered their surprise plans.

“I knew the injury was going to effect my season, but I never imagined that Davis and Brand would completely abandon the plans,” Ellis admitted. “But after the incident … I guess they got scared. They probably knew I’d get suspended or fined when the news broke that I had hurt myself riding a moped, and didn’t want to get penalized themselves.”

Could it be, that a simple moped accident – something that happens thousands of times every year in the United States – altered the entire course of the next few seasons in Oakland? [read more]

-from Buster Gunning of RealGM.com

Why Walk When You Can Fly

2008-12-19T12:36:00.000-08:00

The following is an excerpt from a book titled "Why Walk When You Can Fly" by the Isha Foundation. Isha is an organization that is a "non-religious, not-for-profit, public organization" that promotes the"human pursuit" of "striving to transform oneself into a higher possibility."

We tend to read spiritual and philosophical writings and brush them off like cheesy Hallmark cards and ostentatious multicolored Yoga mats. It is hard for us to see the simplicity in metaphysics because the beliefs and teachings can strike emotional cords for souls that are malnourished. It will cause negative emotions to manifest because we are afraid and critical of those things that we do not fully understand. But, the belief in a universal ONE is so essential for global harmony and progress, not to mention inner peace and well being. So essential.

Holler at Isha for being the kind of presence in this world that I'm down for...

Live well, readers, and happy Friday!

"The Search for Peace"

The only way to experience world peace is to elevate consciousness. Until we realize that we are all one, the violence will continue. Until we realize that there is no scarcity, that there is nothing to protect - no fanaticism, no religion, or belief systems - until we realize that we are not our ideas, and that ultimately we are all unconditional love, this cycle will continue, eternally. It might appear a little more civilized, it might be better masked, but until we heal the separation we experience within ourselves, we will continue to witness destruction and conflict, in a society based in fear.

You are what you choose. Instead of choosing for fear, choose for love. As we elevate consciousness, our fear based perception of the world starts to fall away. We increasingly focus on the inherent unity of everything. We embrace the beauty of this moment. We fall in love with life. In the wake of full acceptance come all the changes that are needed, because only love can birth our dreams.

As I embrace every aspect of myself, the judgments I have made about myself dissolve. The more I am at home with myself, the more I become at home in the world. My external world becomes a reflection of how I perceive myself. I stop noticing all of its divisions, separations, inadequacies. Instead, I see its glory. I no longer see good and bad or right and wrong, but see everything as just how it is meant to be. [read more]

Pisces Horoscope, 12.16.08

2008-12-16T11:15:00.000-08:00

"You may have accomplished a near-perfect balancing act between your professional path and your spiritual journey. These two roads have temporarily merged, creating a magic moment in your life when your imagination can strongly impact your outer world. Make the most of this metaphysical support, for your dreams can really come true."
-Tarot.com

Dear Boy

2008-12-14T23:09:00.000-08:00

Dear Boy,

I want to lie and say that it's been a while since I last thought of you... but you come to me in shades of dark and gray every minute of every day. I don't know if I've ever said it out loud, but my whole life it has been you.

It has always been someone like you.

You're out there and I miss you.

Signed,

Lauren

Why Do Bad Things Happen

2008-12-12T07:56:00.000-08:00

Many of you know that I am a huge fan of the independant Filipino Hip Hop MCs of the West Coast. These brothers and sisters have birthed countless rhymes and lyrics that have helped me develop and come to know the person that I am today. They have provided me with the musical therapy to get through tough times whether it be emotional heartache or questioning my reason for living. It is through their strength that I am able to be strong and through their struggle that I am able to survive.

As another form of therapy, I've come to regularly frequent their blogs... it aids to remind me that these MCs are REAL people. They are not fictitious characters in some fantasy world. Reading about their lives, their thoughts, and their worlds reminds me that I might (someday) be someone that other people can look up to. That being said, after a verrrrrry nice 8 hours of sleep (something I haven't had in almost a month) I woke up to read a disheartening peice written by one of my personal living heroes, Kiwi. His words have always led to me to seeing the greater good in all small things and to work for what really matters in this world: the people. He believes in the advancement of struggle and constantly speaks of following dreams... something I feel true to within myself.

His recent entry poses the question... why do bad things happen to good people? As you get to the end of his story, you'll see the truth that comes with the answer. Without the bad, one cannot discern the good.

It’s been an emotional and pensive last couple of months, and these young men couldn’t have picked a more interesting time to do this to me. Instead feelings of anger, I rode home afterwards thinking, “what lessons to i take from what just happened?” Of course, I was thankful that my physical bruises are for the most part not life-threatening, and that I was able to walk away in one piece. I’m also thankful, believe it or not, that they didn’t take my bike. Of all the things they stole/could’ve stole, this bike is the one thing that, right now, makes me most happy.

Most of all, I’m thankful for everyone who, last night, reminded me that I am not alone, and that I am loved. [READ FULL ENTRY]

Keep ridin' brother.

<3 eL

Reflections of Self - Daily Om 12.11.08

2008-12-11T07:55:00.000-08:00

When we look at other people, we see many of their qualities in innumerable and seemingly random combinations. However, the qualities that we see in the people around us are directly related to the traits that exist in us. "Like attracts like" is one of the spiritual laws of the universe. We attract individuals into our lives that mirror who we are. Those you feel drawn to reflect your inner self back at you, and you act as a mirror for them. Simply put, when you look at others, you will likely see what exists in you. When you see beauty, divinity, sweetness, or light in the soul of another, you are seeing the goodness that resides in your soul. When you see traits in others that evoke feelings of anger, annoyance, or hatred, you may be seeing reflected back at you those parts of yourself that you have disowned or do not like.

Because we are all mirrors for each other, looking at the people in your life can tell you a lot about yourself. Who you are can be laid bare to you through what you see in others. It is easy to see the traits you do not like in others. It is much more difficult to realize that you possess those same traits. Often, the habits, attitudes, and behaviors of others are closely linked to our unconscious and unresolved issues.

When you come into contact with someone you admire, search your soul for similarly admirable traits. Likewise, when you meet someone exhibiting traits that you dislike, accept that you are looking at your reflection. Looking at yourself through your perception of others can be a humbling and eye-opening experience. You can also cultivate in you the traits and behaviors that you do like. Be loving and respectful to all people, and you will attract individuals that will love and respect you back. Nurture compassion and empathy and let the goodness you see in others be your mirror.

In Order to Be Happy...

2008-12-03T00:10:00.001-08:00

We must use compassion. We must see the innocence in even the most abrasive human beings. There is more to a person than their behavior. Beneath the facade there is a tormented sea of underlying hurt, pain and sorrow. It doesn't exist just within ourselves, it is in everyone we meet.

Never forget that everybody struggles. In order to be happy, we must honor the strength and resilience that is shadowed by the frustration of the struggle. We must understand that we are not alone no matter how desolate life can be.

The Recession Hits Home

2008-12-02T16:16:00.000-08:00

My boss plops today's SF Chronicle onto my desk. "Looks like you made your escape just in time," she says. In the middle of the page is an article with updates of San Francisco's ongoing budget crisis and a shot of the building where I used to work. With more money being funneled into California's "Internal Waste Management Committee" (where money is being allotted primarily to the 6-figure salaries of its committee heads) many substance abuse and mental health programs are seeing massive reductions in services. The first things to go for Walden House were the adolescent programs that provided these services to youth transitioning out of the juvenile justice system. As a result, the teens are being abandoned by the system that's supposed to be helping and healing them. As if these kids didn't have abandonment issues already. . . now they are faced with two choices: the streets or the YGC. This is disheartening considering that society's greatest investment is in the youth population.

A part of me left Walden House because I knew that my job wasn't 100% secure. I'd known this since the announcement was made this summer that the methamphetamine program would be cut and jobs would be lost. The loss wasn't executed but it still had everyone sitting at the edge of our seats. Talking to old coworkers now, I hear that there is a silent depression that looms above the desk where I used to work. Walden House's Multi-Services facility, located in the heart of the Mission on 15th Street, offered indigent citizens of San Francisco services that aided in finding housing, employment, case management and counseling. More importantly, it was a safe haven from the darkest of the City's crevices. It was a place intended to foster growth for the community, development of self in lost souls, and the increased need for a "family" for those who had none. And now- less money means less employees, less hours, less services, less help.

The streets are going to blow up soon and I fear that, regardless of our new hope in Barack Obama's presidency, a violent revolution is bound to happen. I say I fear though I know that revolt is what its going to take to get it right... and people, we need to get it right.

"It's going to be massive in its impact. What we do for the poorest of the poor is minimal in the best of times. There's more to be done out there, not less."

- Rod Libbey, CEO of Walden House, Inc. [read entire article]

Three Words

2008-12-01T15:37:00.001-08:00

"Name three words you would use to describe yourself."

Always the hardest question I'm asked during Associate interviews. But after some careful thought... I think I've found the three best.

Random. Even I don't know where half the shit I think of or talk about comes from. I'm prone to random acts of "what the fuck" whether it be spontaneously arriving at a previously undisclosed location or waking up in the middle of the night and baking a batch of cupcakes (the kind with sprinkles). I'm always down to do the most random things with the most random people a the most random times. Though I must admit that life has gotten pretty SCHEDULED as of late taking a huge chunk out of my random life moments.

Hungry. This is not just in reference to the fact that I can eat almost anything at anytime. I am ambitious, driven, always hungry for more. Not to say that I'm insatiable, but that I strive for my worth which is usually a lot more than what I am given. It keeps me humble most times but I know that at 24 years old, I have not reached my peak. There is just so much more in the world and in life to be had that I would be foolish to stop climbing, stop wanting, and stop demanding more.

Hedonistic. This third word is always a tough one. I would always say something superficial like, lovely or entertaining (of which I am both, but those words don't pack enough punch to fully emulate me). By definition, a hedonist is a person who devotes his/her life to the pursuit of pleasure and self-gratification. Without these two things what joy would there be? Whether it be food, drinking, sex, shopping or watching Homestar Runner clips all night... I am devout to the religion of pleasure. I indulge constantly and have no problem escaping reality to invest in the fruits of my dreams. Luckily for me, working hard at what I do and earning my salary is the greatest pleasure of all.

Now I encourage you, dear readers to stop and think of three words you would use to describe yourselves. Then rethink them. Are they positive? Are they banal? Are they safe words? Are they honest? Did you ask someone for their opinion or did you come up with the three words on your own? It's hard I know. But don't be afraid to look in the dictionary or thesaurus... that's what they're there for.

Go on, define yourself today.

A Letter to Santa

2008-11-29T19:16:00.001-08:00

Dear Santa,

Usually, I don't like to create wishlists for myself when the holidays come around. Most years, I don't think I deserve half of what I get . . . but this year, Santa, I've been working really hard to be a good girl. I don't shoplift (as much as I used to). I no longer lie to my parents. I haven't cheated on any tests, played hooky from work, and I try every day to think positively about my life and to give back to the community that so generously gave to me. I check myself with the quickness when I find myself judging others and try to bestow the utmost patience upon those beezies and suckas who so regularly infiltrate my days and nights. I am aware of my impact on the environment and am trying my hardest to do my part to help by recycling and cutting water usage as much as possible (but, Santa, I can't give up my bi-weekly soaks!).

That being said, dear Santa, all I am asking for is lower level tickets to see the Golden State Warriors play. I know that they aren't doing so well this season, but I do believe that if I could just get out to Oracle at least once... my love and support will make a difference. Lord knows they need a little help.

That's it, Santa. Any game and any seat will do, but if I could see Steve Nash, Monta Ellis and/or Baron Davis from a lower level perspective, I will be eternally grateful to you and every other higher power that exists to make people happy this time of year.

Sincerely,
Lauren

Arraignment and Remand

2008-11-29T16:36:00.000-08:00

"Something big is going on," she whispers to me. "There's deputies everywhere."

I look around and see that the room is swarming with tan and evergreen uniforms. One can hear the low metallic clink of handcuffs and feel the intensity of having firearms and nightsticks within such close proximity. Something big is definitely going on.

Two men are escorted into the room wearing three point shackles and dark blue jumpsuits. This strikes me as odd since in-custody inmates are typically dressed in bright orange. It isn't until I see the young faces of the two men that it dawns on me, they are juveniles being tried in adult court. I've been here before, but in a different place. Last year, I sat in Santa Barbara County Superior Court watching the same chain of events unfold. Young boys caught up in the gangster street life, proving their manhood by committing acts of violence against their own.

The court buzzes with conversation and Judge Dekreon commands the bench, repeatedly asking for the court appointed Spanish interpreter. My boss leans in close to me, "I think these are the boys who've been all over the news." She pauses for a second and I immediately run through the archive of San Francisco Chronicle Crime articles that I've stored in the back of my mind. "All of this for an iPod," she says and suddenly, I remember.

These boys are members of the infamous criminal organization known as MS-13 or La Mara Salvatrucha. Originating from El Salvador, La Mara Salvatrucha emerged in the late 1980s following the country's civil war. As the Salvadoranean immigrant population swelled in Southern California, many of the young men and youth found themselves being victimized by the already established Mexican gangs. The immigrants began to organize within themselves in a struggle to survive and soon became known as one of the most violent organized crime syndicates in Central America and the United States. La Mara Salvatrucha acheived a higher level of notoriety amongst other gangs as many of its members had been previously trained in guerilla warfare and executed a more sophisticated style of criminal behavior.

However, in the case of the two young men standing before me, sophistication and discipline were severely lacking. Their act of violence (robbing another young boy of his iPod and beheading him in a Japanese style execution with a long sword) only indicates that today's society is in a state of crisis and that honor among men has now been whittled away into almost nothing. Violence in San Francisco continues to swell at alarming rates, I hear the sirens every night and as the days become shorter and it gets darker earlier. . . I am afraid to step out into the streets past 7pm. I look at these two men, being arraigned in a court of law before receiving their high school diplomas and I can only wonder where the future of society is headed.

---

Fifteen minutes later I am sitting on the second floor of the courthouse. My boss has just explained to a client that because he failed to fully comply with the court's requirements he will be remanded back into custody today. He is a man with no education, born and raised into the criminal justice system... so he doesn't understand.

"But, I've committed no crime," he says. "I haven't done anything wrong."

His original case was assault on a police officer which would lead one to assume the he is a violent person. He has a history of drug abuse and obviously suffers from mental illnes - schizophrenia they say. But I'm looking at him, modestly dressed as best as he can- bright green velvet long coat and an old newsboy cap to keep his head warm and dry through the rain- and my heart breaks. He's absolutely right... the only crime that he, and many others in his position, has commited is being born into poverty and having no resources or means to rise above and fight against an oppressive system.

We head into the courtroom and my client is standing before the judge. The deputy is behind him, ready with handcuffs. My clients starts to beg, "Please, your honor, don't remand me. I've done nothing wrong. I can't go back in there. If you put me back in jail, you'll create even more of a monster in me. Please, your honor, give me a break. I've been working so hard. I've been doing my art. I've been gardening. I've been trying to make something of myself." Again, he is absolutely right. Locking him up in a cell where he is cut-off from other people diminishes any chance for him to become reintegrated into society... for him to function as a normal human being. But, the system is a bitch. It creates monsters out of men who, on any other day, wouldn't hurt a fly.

On My Man's Return to the Court

2008-11-24T19:59:00.000-08:00

If you haven't noticed already, I have an almost life-debilitating obsession with Monta Ellis, point guard and shooting guard for the Golden State Warriors. Unfortunately, due to a STUPID ASS NON-BASKETBALL RELATED incident, my man Ellis was suspended for the first 30 games of the season. His suspension ends officially on December 17th. But, even more upsetting to me is the fact that he won't be suiting up until the beginning of next year so that he can fully recover from his STUPID ASS injury.

Now, I'm not too happy with Ellis' STUPID ASS right now because his STUPID ASS is costing us (and by us, I mean the Warriors) valuable wins. Yes, I understand that it's the beginning of the season but if you take a look at the past few games we lost... we've lost to ROOKIE ASS teams that we should have beat! (Ahem, the Grizzlies?!?!) And the season ain't getting any easier, people. We haven't even played the Lakers, the Suns (Yeah, Steve Nash!!), or the Celtics yet. But I'm not here to complain or talk shit about my man because, honest to God, I love Monta Ellis. He's amazing.

Anyway.

So, to quell my fetish, I have been youtubing/googling Monta's fine Southern ass on a regular basis. Today, as I was composing my Christmas wishlist (which will be ready in a couple of weeks for those of you so inclined to buy me nice gifts) I came across the most beautiful thing I've ever seen...

Monta Ellis is officially a franchise. Yes, my man has a shoe and it's coming out to herald his return. What a way to ring in the new year!

Dream Journal

2008-11-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

He calls me in the middle of the night but I don't hear the phone ringing. I'm with my cousin in a two bedroom apartment full of shoji screens and plants in full bloom. There is no color, only splashes of brown and green. When I finally see that I've got a missed call, I'm excited. I have been waiting for his call.

I check the message that he's left but I can barely understand what he's saying. His voice cuts off and all I hear is, "Hey...I've been thinking...we should...stop...sex..call me.. 4..5...86...6886." When I start to dial his number my phone falls apart. The screen detaches and I struggle to hold it together, dialing and redialing what I think is his number. I start running through the apartment, searching for a landline and repeating the numbers so that I don't forget. My parents appear, holding a cordless phone, smiling at me. When I grab the phone and put my ear to the receiver, I can hear my brother on the other end of the line. He's wishing his ex girlfriend a happy birthday, which is today. I'm frustrated now, I'm forgetting the sound of his voice.

All of a sudden I'm in the bathroom. There is a child in the bathtub. He's sitting in warm water and I can see a light stream of yellow coming from beneath him.

"Get out of the tub!" I yell at him. I try to wash the yellow stream out of the water with the showerhead. The yellow slowly fades into light brown, then red. Then I notice that the showerhead is pointed directly at the tile wall, covered in rust. The water streaming down the wall is colored by the rust.

Flash forward, I'm walking out of the liquor store around the corner from my house. My mother is supposed to pick me up and take me to the airport. A red SUV pulls up beside me and, thinking its my mother, I hop in. But its not my mother. Its this guy I dated a couple months ago...and boy does he look good. He smiles at me and laughs. We start talking, flirting having a good "new love" moment. I'm thiniking to myself, "Dude, you dropped me. Why all of a sudden are you trying to holler again?" He puts his hand on my knee, tries to touch me in subtle ways.

Then I wake up. Its 1:30 in the morning and I've only been asleep for about an hour. I'm a little dazed, remembering the first part of my dream, unsure if it really happened or not. I've woken up from dreams like this before, confused by illusion and reality. I reach for my cellphone, just to make sure it didn't happen. Nope, no call. But I've got these butterflies in my stomach and I'm having trouble breathing.

Goddammit, I wish my dreams weren't so powerful.

Lesson 1: Dressing the Part

2008-11-18T19:07:00.001-08:00

When I asked my boss if there was a dress code she said,"Dress appropriate." The key word here is: appropriate. What the fuck do I know about going into judge's chambers and walking through a gaggle of district attorneys? So, of course, true to self I wear the most appropriately inappropriate attire: a curve hugging, black and gray cowl neck dress. While I agree that the length was a clear violation of the three finger rule (hem cannot be higher than finger lengths above the knee), I was wearing black tights so absolutely no skin was showing. What's the big deal? On top of that, NO ONE wears bangles in the courtroom. I had to try so hard not to bangle that I damn near had to stop moving for ten minutes just so I wouldn't make a sound while the judge was talking. I didn't fare any better when my boss unexpectedly brought me into the jailhouse and I was marched in front of a line of male inmates. (By the way, for some reason, I really like the orange color of the sweatsuits that the inmates have to wear. Is that wrong?)

How do I integrate my fashion sense into something a little more conservative? Do I have to hide my tattoo everyday with a turtleneck and a watch? Where can I find cute heels comfortable enough to run and climb stairs in? Must I sacrifice style and substance in order to follow a strict unsaid understanding of the legal and law enforcement world?

It's gonna be hard with this body. I mean, not that I'm comparable to Buffy the Body or Vida Guerra. It's just that... I have these curves that I can't really hide unless I'm wearing a potato sack. A high school teacher once said to me, "Even when you're not violating the dress code, you look like you're violating the dress code." She was referring to the fact that though there was really nothing to see, you couldn't help but still look to make sure.

Anyway, I know that in order to get the right kind of attention from the people that I need to pay attention to... I must dress in a manner that they understand. Back to the pinstripes and button down shirts, I go. Gotta leave the clubbing clothes in the closet and put away the wifebeaters for cleaning days.

The days are getting colder so maybe the turtlenecks aren't such a bad idea after all.

The First Day of the Rest of Your Life

2008-11-16T19:39:00.000-08:00

It's funny when I think about what life was like for me 3 years ago... This isn't a long time ago, but who and where I am now is so far removed from who and where I was then that it feels like I've been reborn. Me at 21- taking Jack Daniels shot after shot and getting kicked out of clubs for throwing up in the bathroom. I thought I was the shit, barking orders at people who loved me because I was mad with control. At 21, I thought I knew about love. I'd experienced the romance of all romance and had boyfriends lie to and berate me. And, at 21, I thought that love equated to sex, love, money and drugs. If I were the same person that I was at 21 years old, I would be married to a Romanian man old enough to be my uncle and living in a one bedroom apartment in Eastern Europe with two children and no recollection of the English language or my Filipino roots.

But I regress into the past when I should focus on the present and dream about the future. That was three years ago and, as my Magic Trick pointed out, I have come full circle. I still have a lot of development left, don't get me wrong, but the progress has been significant. My co-dependancy issues have been stifled and reborn as an unwillingess to surrender my independance. This has lead to me to push people away, allowing space and time to create long gaps in my relationships. My defense is inpenetrable even though I have come across men (or rather boys) who come so close to meeting my standards. This is the answer to those who have asked me, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" Because I am deathly afraid of what a boyfriend might do to me and because I have impossibly high standards.

In terms of love and romance, I am now willing to put down my guard for a moment. I am stepping out of my box little by little to allow another person in. Fuck it, I may not be a cupcaker, but I cannot deny the excessive lover in me. She's waiting to be unleashed.

Last Friday, my family at Walden House blessed me with a heartfelt send-off on my last day of work. Its true that one will never see the fruits of his/her labor until the very end. My coworkers and clients let me know that I changed their lives, even if only a little bit, even if only with a smile. It was a heartbreak like I had never known before. By the end of the meeting, I found myself in tears and I realized that even though I'm not meant to work at Walden House, I am meant to be there.

My career has taken a step forward and I anticipate a host of new personalities in my life, whether it be elders in long black robes sitting in judge's chambers or young women on the street who find themselves victims of circumstance. I aim to network and promote myself, to flirt with everyone in order to move ahead, and, most importantly, I will never forget where I have come from.

So tonight I fall asleep looking forward to starting the first day of the rest of my life. Game face, on.

L.A. Lakers vs. Detroit Pistons

2008-11-15T10:04:00.000-08:00

Lakers 95
Detroit 106

Thank you, Allen Iverson for knocking those yellow and purple uniforms off of the pedestal.

Yeah, I'm a Laker hater... WHAT?!

One of the HAPPIEST Nights of My Life

2008-11-14T18:36:00.000-08:00

Golden State Warriors vs. L.A. Lakers - 12.14.2007

Sigh, I miss my boys... Can't wait to see Baron Davis this weekend!!! We miss you!! And Monta... we f*ing need you back!!

In other NBA news, Stever Nash (one game without pay), Matt Barnes and Rafer Alston (two games with out pay for both) have been suspended for the brawl this Wednesday. Shaquille O'Neill and Tracy McGrady were fined for their participation. Although, if you watch the video, Shaq made a beastly intervention on behalf of Steve Nash.

If you missed it, I posted the video . . . its NBA drama at its finest.

recquiescat in pace

2008-11-14T08:44:00.000-08:00

Russell Jones aka Ol' Dirty Bastard
11.15.1968 ~ 11.13.04

Obituary: Ol' Dirty Bastard

11.14.2004

Rapper ODB, a founding member of the Wu-Tang Clan, has died in a New York recording studio.

ODB - Ol' Dirty Bastard - recently came out of prison after serving a sentence for drug possession. The rapper, whose real name was Russell Jones, would have been 36 on Monday.

He was famed for his unorthodox delivery, which became famous when he first hit the music scene in the 1990s with the Wu-Tang Clan, alongside Method Man, RZA and Ghostface Killah.

Each member went on to pursue their own solo work, with ODB having great success with numbers including Shimmy Shimmy Ya and Got Your Money.

He also dabbled in the mainstream, appearing on remixes with artists including Mariah Carey.

But with increased fame came increased pressure, and his behaviour became more erratic.

When his career was at its height, he and his children were followed by an MTV News camera crew, which filmed them being taken in a limousine to the welfare office to receive food stamps.

And in February 1998, millions of TV viewers saw him dive onto the stage at the Grammy awards, hijacking the microphone from singer Shawn Colvin as she was given her prize.

ODB then complained that he had spent a lot of cash on new clothes for the event because he had thought he would win the best rap album category, which went to P Diddy.

He later apologised for his outburst.

He began his career with the Wu-Tang Clan before going solo
But he also had several brushes with the law. He was wounded in shootings and arrested over charges including menacing security officers, illegally possessing body armour, driving with a suspended licence, shoplifting and threatening a former girlfriend.

By 2000 he had been ordered by a court to attend a rehabilitation centre in California but he escaped and managed to evade capture for a month.

Police arrested him in Philadelphia, three days after he had been performing in New York with members of the Wu-Tang Clan.

The following year he was sent to prison to serve a four-year sentence for drug possession, plus two concurrent years for his escape from the California clinic.

He was as famed for his erratic lifestyle as his music
But by 2003 he was released again and signed with the Roc-a-Fella record company working on a comeback album.

"Russell inspired all of us with his spirit, wit, and tremendous heart," said Roc-A-Fella founder Damon Dash.

"The world has lost a great talent, but we mourn the loss of our friend."

His death follows the deaths of several other rappers, including Jam Master Jay of Run DMC, who was shot in late 2002, and Notorious BIG and Tupac Shakur, who were both shot in the late 1990s.

Those killings remain unsolved.

Dream Car for Sale

2008-11-13T14:13:00.000-08:00

My dream car since high school... if only I knew how to drive a stick...

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/cto/917874505.html

Catch the Game Last Night?

2008-11-13T10:07:00.001-08:00

So as of late I've been terribly disappointed with my boys at Oracle... so much so that if it weren't for my "belief being strong than doubt" (gotta love Duane Wade)... I'd become a Sun in a minute. If ya'll missed it last night here goes Rafer Alston and Matt Barnes (who forgot for a minute that he was playing basketball NOT football) starting a ruckus. Gotta love how Shaq bulldozes right through to save Steve Nash!

I <3 the NBA!

Keeping It Real for the Fellas

2008-11-10T23:21:00.000-08:00

"I can do for you what Martin did for the people
Ran by the men but the women keep the tempo
It's very seldom that you're blessed to find your equal
Still play my part but let you play the lead role
Believe me
I'll follow this could be easy
I'll be the help whenever you need me
I see you hustle with my hustle
I can keep you
Focused on your focus
Let me feed you."

-Upgrade U

Beyonce

Empathy

2008-11-06T21:50:00.000-08:00

I am sitting on my back porch,
Cigarette in hand
I lift my fingers to my lips
And take a long drag.

The city has now entered the end of the year.

Today she says to me, "I remember February.
I remember all of the things that I wanted for myself
By the end of this year and now, look, it's November.
Here I am and this what I have,
I've never been happier."

In February, she was sneaking around dark hallways
Keeping secrets that she wasn't capable of handling.
She was beginning a long road to recovery from a life built in dark places,
Carrying a burden and enduring a struggle
That not too many people would understand.
She sits before me, smiles and support all around,
And I see the health, I see the color, I see the change.
I was there with her through those months.
I was there with her through those times.
And she was with me.

I wanted to tell her that I was afraid too.
I wanted to tell her that I had once been in a relationship
That self destructed, that left shards of broken glass
Deep in my skin.
I wanted to tell her that sometimes, they made me itch.
I wanted to tell her that I too
Had fallen in love with a man who didn't know how to love me back
But all I could say was a simple, "I know what you mean."

So I watch her now, standing on the corner
Cigarette in her hand.
She lifts her fingers to her lips
And takes a long drag.

Late Night Texts

2008-11-06T10:47:00.001-08:00

"I work too hard to be a good woman to not deserve some good loving."

The People's Victory

2008-11-04T23:22:00.000-08:00

November 04, 2008 : Democrats beat Republicans 338 to 160.

The best score since Golden State beat Dallas back in May 2007, 111 to 86.

*deep breath*

A new revolution has begun and tomorrow is the beginning of a new world. . .

... life is good.

"If You're Out There" - John Legend

2008-11-04T17:19:00.000-08:00

I never thought that I would feel so nervous about something so big. *finger crossed*

If you hear this message, wherever you stand

I'm calling every woman, calling every man

We're the generation

We can't afford to wait

The future started yesterday and we're already late

If you're ready we can shake the world

Believe again

It starts within

We don't have to wait for destiny

We should be the change that we want to see

If you're out there...

-If You're Out There

John Legend

"Nasty" - Janet Jackson // Objectives

2008-11-02T21:44:00.000-08:00

Ms. Jackson at her finest. Not only is the song an anthem for all the ladies who know what they want. . . the video is true poetry in motion.

---

I'm not a prude,

I just want some respect

So close the door if you want me to respond

Cause privacy is my middle name

My last name is control

No, my first name ain't baby,

It's Janet... Ms. Jackson if you're nasty

----

When writing a resume one must be specific in naming an objective. It is the first section in your resume (after your contact information) and gives employers an idea of whether or not the position you are applying for is right for you. An effective objective is clear and direct. This is what you expect to gain if hired. I have learned that putting

"To obtain full-time employment in the Criminal Justice field."

is not as effective as:

"To obtain a full-time case management position in a non-profit organization that provides services for low-income citizens."

Yes the first example may get you a job, but the second objective will get you a career. Trust, I have written and rewritten my resume many times. Objectives will change as your experience in the work field grows. With each new job you learn what you are capable of doing and what you refuse to do. Honestly, writing new resumes was always a positive way for me to build self-esteem and the perfect chance to manifest new responsibilites in my life.

In order to successfully manifest your dreams (if that is what you are inclined to do) you must be clear and specific in knowing what you want. So check your vocabulary because sometimes the Universe gets confused.

That being said, I have changed my vocabulary.

"A paycheck" becomes "a living."

"A job" becomes "a career."

"A perfect body" becomes "A healthy body."

"Friends" become "companions."

"A boy" becomes "a man."

Objectives 1 & 2 realized. Objectives 3, 4 & 5 in progress.

Compatibility

2008-10-30T00:13:00.000-07:00

Pisces + Cancer

Pisces + Scorpio

Pisces + Aquarius

Pisces + Virgo

Yes, I believe in letting the stars dictate my love life. It's romantic.

--

Two More Days!!

2008-10-27T12:50:00.000-07:00

I am so excited for Warrior season to start, I think I'm going to pee in my pants.

AND

I heart Steve Nash & Baron Davis (even though they're not Warriors). Check the slick moonwalk!

Do YOU believe in the power of YES??

2008-10-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. God. This is the most entertaining video I have seen in a loooong time. Gotta love those gay men. Thanks for sharing, Lil Buddha.

New dance move: The Fork in the Garbage Disposal!!!!!

Shifting Careers . . .

2008-10-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

. . . from Counseling to Court Advocating.

Two MUNI bus rides away from home. Half a block away from the courthouse.

Access to judge's chambers. Access to judges.

Still working for the people. . . for a higher salary... no dress code policy...

AND I get to use the Criminal Justice degree I earned through FIVE years of college WITHOUT having to submit to the institutionalized-capitalistic-might-as-well-call-it-a-corporation California Department of Corrections?

Uh, where do I sign?

Pop Culture + Politics

2008-10-22T22:58:00.000-07:00

Stole this off of DJ Phatrick's site . . . gotta love the youth of the nation!!

The Guru of Ganja - Ed Rosenthal & the Wonders of Cannabis

2008-10-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

If you're in the City this weekend and AREN'T attending the 2008 Exotic Erotic Ball... might I suggest getting educated on The Wonders of Cannabis?? This weekend in Golden Gate Park, local horticulturist and famed "Guru of Ganja" Ed Rosenthal will be hosting a cannabis festival intended to educate the public about you guessed it, The Wonders of Cannabis! Ed Rosenthal is a New York born author who is well known for his activism and advocacy for the legalization of marijuana.

Oh yeah and Dead Prez, Bayonics and other artists will be performing live!

For more information on this weekend's big event, visit The Wonders of Cannabis

Read more about Ed Rosenthal >>> Freddom to Exhale

Beyonce - "Single Ladies"

2008-10-21T14:48:00.000-07:00

Beyonce is AMAZING.

On the 2008 Presidential Election

2008-10-21T00:14:00.000-07:00

Nick News, where I go for my 2008 Presidential Election information. They speak in kids terms which I understand much much better. =) Not to mention the fact that I don't trust one word that the Mass Media prints, publishes, or says.

The results of Kids Pick the President are in! Check them out here >>

Kids Pick the President 2008

Linda Ellerbee has got to be one of the most important journalists of our time. A reporter for the kids?! Yessir.

---

Gloria La Riva & Eugene Puryear for President & Vice President
VOTE PSL - the Party for Socialism and Liberation

Don't forget that Barack Obama and John McCain aren't the only ones running for President and that Democrats and Republicans aren't the only political parties in the United States. If you are unsatisfied with the candidates that are being force fed to you by the media, I urge everyone to do more research on other parties and people who are running for the presidency. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE FOR WHOEVER YOU WANT!! You are not limited to what you see on TV or read in blogs!

Two more weeks to go!!!

Inspiration

2008-10-20T07:49:00.001-07:00

"Over the years I have developed a picture of what a human being living humanely is like. She is a person who understands, values and develops her body, finding it beautiful and useful; a person who is real and is willing to take risks, to be creative, to manifest competence, to change when the situation calls for it, and to find ways to accommodate to what is new and different, keeping that part of the old that is still useful and discarding what is not."

-Virginia Satir, noted American Author and Psychotherapist

Brandy - "I Wanna Be Down (Remix)"

2008-10-17T11:34:00.000-07:00

Day 2 of the Great Embargo

2008-10-15T23:37:00.000-07:00

Now I know how drug addicts feel. I just smoked a broken cigarette out of desperation. The liquor store around the corner is closed and I smoked my last one on Monday. Bahhhh. It really is hard to quit smoking cold turkey! So I'm gonna try tapering off from 5-7 cigarettes a day to 2-3 cigarettes to being smoke free by my next birthday.

What caused my sudden interest in Smoking Cessation? Three reasons.

#1 Obviously, health reasons. Going to Allan's class the other day was a reality check that in order for me to be a successful dancer, I'm gonna need more stamina. I was struggling during his last eight count; it felt like my body was just shutting down after an hour and a half. My lungs are begging me to give them a break.

#2 I simply cannot afford to buy 2 packs of cigarettes a week. I thought about downgrading from my usual Marlboro Menthol Lights to Newports to save money, but then I thought ... aren't Newports even worse?

#3 For my mother... fuuuuck. Why is it always the mother that puts incessant guilt trips on you knowing that one day you're going to break just because you know she never will???? Whenever I call my mother I'm usually smoking a cigarette (to help me get through the conversation) and, without fail she will ask me, "Are you smoking?" I say "no" because I know that she knows I really mean "yes" but she knows that I will never say "yes" because it will just affirm her suspicions all along and the conversation just goes on and on and on . . . . Trust, it's an endless cycle.

Anyway, so I'm talking to my mother the other day and we get into the "Are you smoking" cycle and out of nowhere she says to me, "You know why you smoke right? It's because you're sad." Now, my mother (as I'm sure most mothers do) has this uncanny ability to sense and know everything that's going through my head and heart. This is especially true of the things that I am blind to. Her observation hit me like a brick wall. It may or may not be true, but when you think about it, why does anybody get caught up in addiction?

So, faithful readers, I seek support in any positive way. If I ask you for a cigarette, kindly turn me down. If I already have a cigarette and I ask you for a light, gently remind me that I need to quit but light me up anyway!!

=)

Living Hero - Allan Frias

2008-10-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

When I first moved to the Bay Area my first dance teacher was Allan Frias, who has now become one of my living heroes. You may remember him from the first season of So You Think You Can Dance, breaking it down as Big Papa. While he didn't win the competition, he made a big impact just by making it on to the show. If you've ever seen him, you'll notice that he is a HUSKY fella. If you've ever seen him dance, you'll notice that his size doesn't stop him from dropping down and breaking a motherfucker off.

After a few years, I was able to begin a work-exchange program at Dance Mission on Tuesday nights and got to watch Allan's Advanced class do their thing. His choreography always amazed me as it is laced with subtle sexuality and powerful eight counts that draw inspiration from West Indian dance forms. While I idolize Allan, it is his Sucker Free, real ass human side that makes me love him all the more. He sweats like a madman when he dances; he sports Warrior's paraphernalia; and he allows little kids to sit in on his classes every once in a while, free of charge. One night as I was sitting in the back room counting the night's revenue the familiar tickle of California herb came floating in from the window. I turned around and there was Allan, sitting on the fire escape smoking a blunt making choreography in his head. How could I not fall in love with the man?? He is such a celebrity to me that every time we run into each other, I gush as if he were Justin Timberlake.

Tonight was the first night I've been to one of Allan's classes in ages and, like always, homeboy spouted some knowledge that reminded me why I love him (and dancing) so much.

-----

"How do you bump your booty? Use your tailbone. The PADOW is all there."

"I don't care how big you are, you can get down on your hands. I'm bigger than all of you motherfuckers, you're all smaller than me and I can fucking do it. You can do it!!"

"Dance is all about confidence. Trust, cause ain't nobody watching you anyway. Do whatever the fuck you do, but do it confidently."

"Open your pussy, it's okay! Dance is sexual. If you can dance, then you can fuck. It's all about being able to catch the rhythm."

Moloko - "The Time Is Now"

2008-10-12T23:14:00.001-07:00

"You're my last breath
You're a breath of fresh air to me
I am empty
So tell me you care for me.

Give up yourself unto the moment
The time is now
Give up yourself unto the moment
Let's make this moment last."

-The Time Is Now
Moloko

The Chipmunk Adventure

2008-10-12T12:25:00.001-07:00

By far, my favorite Chipmunk song. Brittney Miller is straight OG.

"Honey you're a sweet thing

And you look so fine

All I ever wanted

Was to make you mine.

Give me a clue

Tell me what I need to do

To get lucky with you

Boy I really love you

With my heart and soul

Honey won't you take me

Where I want to go.

Gettin' lucky is really what its all about

Getting' lucky is something I can't do without

Honey I've been waiting, waiting patiently

Let me unlock your heart boy

I think I got the key

Give me a clue

Tell me what I need to do

To get lucky with you."

LOL. //Gush

2008-10-12T01:32:00.000-07:00

"Knock, Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Interrupting cow."

"Interrupting cow wh-?"

"Moooooo!"

HAHAHAH!!! Gets me everytime.

----

Jordan Knight, my favorite new kid. =)

(photos by Ate)

Machine Gun Flow - Bambu "Iron Bam" Sampler

2008-10-11T08:36:00.000-07:00

"This is Frisco, meng."
DJ Phatrick

Why Become an Escort? // CREAM

2008-10-09T22:09:00.000-07:00

"People often ask me why I became an escort. They seemed to think that someone forced me into it, or that I am desperate for money. Many people look down at being an escort as something that is both illegal and immoral, I happen not to agree. A woman should become an escort if she thinks that is what she would like to do.

There are two main reasons girls become escorts. Number one, I think is the money. You can make a great deal of money, you can make a salary that a doctor or lawyer would in as less as 10 hours a week. Sounds like a get rich scheme, its not. The other is free time. Now that you have lots of money, you will have time to spend it, lots and lots of time".

Isabella

--

The other day I told my boy (and future bodyguard) Nicholas that I didn't want to dance for the money.

"No, I just want to perform on stage." Obviously, that was a half truth.

A part of me is hungry for money, as shameful and capitalistic as that may sound. I just think of it in terms of business, not the act of sex or the emotion of lust. When I dance, I would be getting paid for a service that I provide. It would be money earned not given. My money spent the way I decide.

Oh, the dream.

=)

Romance

2008-10-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

When I was young I spent hours dreaming about romance. Drawing inspiration from TV shows like Dawson's Creek (Joey & Pacey), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Buffy & Angel!!!), and the classic one season masterpiece of teenage angst: My So-Called Life (Angela and *sigh* Jordan Catalano), I was able to create storyboards of drama and fantasy. A True Pisces, I spent late night hours dreaming up Disney-like movies that I played over and over in my mind.

That being said... I'm looking for romance in my relationships. Not commitment or financial stability or even sexual satisfaction. Yes, I enjoy the mindfuck and crackin' jokes, but what makes a friendship different from a RELATIONship... is it not the romance? Now that I'm older and have experienced both good and bad romances, I have a pretty good idea of the kind of man who would play the starring role in my romance to end all romances.

Enjoy, dear readers, the words of 6 women that have achieved my dream and have manifested my perfect romance in lyric form.

#1 Soldier - Destiny's Child

"A rude boy that's good to me, street credibility
If his status ain't hood, I ain't checkin' on him
Better be street if you lookin' at me."

Yes, yes, he will be the cliche bad boy. I can't help it! I'm attracted to hoodstars in Nikes and not preppies in khakis!! "I tried that good boy game but the doughboy's turnin' me on." (I Can't Leave 'Em Alone, Ciara) And rap sheets are strangely attractive me. I can't explain this one, ladies. Just trust that I'm smart enough not to get into more drama than I can handle.

#2 Whatta Man - Salt N Pepa feat En Vogue

"Never disrespectful cause his mama taught him that."

He will love his mother. Mama's boys are taught how to respect, love, and fear women and will thus, be respectful, loving and fearful of you. =) I just pray that his mother doesn't have a complex when it comes to her son and she'll be able to let him go peacefully. Don't worry, mothers... I'm a good girl!

#3 Infatuation - Christina Aguilera

"Mama used to warn me not to rush love with another
She said, 'I'm not tryin to lecture
I just care about my daughter'
'Ay Mama, you seem to forget
I never will let a man control my emotions'
But when he smiles I feel like a little child and when he says
'I am full blood boricua'
Reads the tattoo on his arm."

The entire song is a play by play. It will be love at first sight, fa sho, because i believe that the intensity of attraction plays a big role in romance. Though, right now the "boricua" is replaced by "filipino." For some reason I am in love with my Filipino brothers right now. Especially the ones that remind me of my father (but not in an uncomfortable way) and especially the ones that have interesting ink. This dialoge is also exactly what my mother tells me every time I talk about boys.

#4 Love Rain - Jill Scott f/ Mos Def

"He was brown, deep
Said he wanted to talk about my mission
Listen to my past lives (Word?)
Took me on long walks to places where butterflies rest easy
Talked about Moses and Mumia
Reparations, blue colors, memories of shell topped adidas
He was fresh, like summer peaches
Sweet on my mind like block parties and penny candy
Us was nice and warm, no jacket, no umbrella, just warm
At night we would watch the stars
And he would physically give me each and every one
I felt like cayenne pepper,red,hot,spicy
I felt Dizzy, Sonya, heaven, and Miles between my thighs
Better than love,we made delicious
He me had,had me he
He made me tongue tied
I could hear his rhythm in my thoughts
I was his sharp, his horn section
His boom and his bip
And he was my love."

I had to put the entire first verse because it rings true. A romance should always include exchanges of passionate thought, belief, and experience or what I like to call mindfucking. A man who has no passion in other areas of life other than relationships is dull, boring, and tends to become a little too codependant for my taste. You can recognize a man who has passion by his ability to recognize your own. Mos Def does a poetic job at his reply so check his lyrics if you have time. Also, anything that can be described as "delicious" has got to be romantic.

#5 Underneath Your Clothes - Shakira

"All the things I deserve for being such a good girl."

All good things are worth the wait and hard work, right? Nothing comes easy or quickly. And I believe that one day, I'm going to get the man I deserve. Never lose faith, hopeless romantics... dreams come true everyday!

Now press play and manifest...

#6 Dreamlover - Mariah Carey

A Brief Encounter // Lyric

2008-10-05T20:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Boy,

I thought I had only imagined seeing your face last night. That moment could have been a dream - my heart beat echoing in time with the technotranceravehouse music in the air, neon lights flashing red blue green and yellow. It could have been a dream. You reached around my waist, like you did once before, and by that simple connection - the skin of your fingers and the skin on my stomach - I knew I wasn't dreaming. You are real. You exist.

With a slow burning cigarette balanced in between your fingers, you take off your hat, like the true gentleman that you are, and I am reminded of everything you once told me. You wanted to be mine. My mace, my lover, my best friend. And then in the midst of trying to remain strong independant and unbroken I let you slip out of my life and into the arms of another woman. I let you go because I was afraid to hold on to you.

Seeing you with someone else was not the tragedy I expected. It made me happy to see you happy. It was what I wanted for you all along.

And so you keep coming back to me, dear boy, in times and ways that I never expect. The reality of our relationship is this: I cannot hold you down as you cannot hold me down. I cannot promise you what you cannot promise me. Right now, we can only give each other the peace of mind that comes in knowing that the other exists. I believe our time will come. For now, I am satisfied for another opportunity to press my lips against you and let you know I am doing well.

Until we meet again...

Signed,

Lauren

----

"Let me surround you

A sea to your shore

Let me be the calm you seek

Oh, and everytime I'm close to you

There's too much I can't say

And you just walk away

And I forgot to tell you I love you

And the night's too long

And cold here without you

I grieve in my condition

For I cannot find the words to say

I need you so."

-I Love You

Sarah McLachlan

How to Snag a Sugar Daddy

2008-10-04T00:19:00.000-07:00

Rock cute boots and fishnets.

Radical Women Conference 2008

2008-10-02T13:50:00.000-07:00

Women's Building

3543 18th Street

San Francisco, CA 94103

Featured Speakers

Embattled Civil Liberties Attorney Lynne Stewart, Activitsts & Scholars from Central America, Australia, China & the United States

Key Topics
-For a grassroots feminist movement independent of the twin parties of war & reaction
- Women of color & immigrant women ignite a labor revival
-The dynamic leadership of youth and queers
PLUS: Organizer skills training, Strategy workshops, Radical Culture & More!!

Registration

$55/4 days, $15/day,

$25/4 days, $7.50/day for students and low-income.

All genders welcome!

Learn more & Register at www.RadicalWomen.org

Email: RadicalWomenUS@gmail.com, SF office: (415) 864-1278

A Politician in Vermont ...

2008-10-01T07:16:00.000-07:00

"Putney Man Runs On Socialistic Ideals"

Mitchell, an avowed socialist who wants to legalize drugs, nationalize energy and health care and end the war in Iraq, has run for political office twice before.

"Personally, I think the pendulum has swung so far toward the fallacy of free-market capitalism, that the emperor is now standing naked in front of the free world," he says. "It's a wonderful opportunity to consider the socialist alternative."

Mitchell says the lack of affordable health insurance for families like his own have led to an unnecessary health crisis in the richest country in the world.

"If you have a lot of money, you can get 15 MRIs and have access to whatever you want," he says. "I still owe for my children's births, which I'm paying off slowly."

Not only does Mitchell want to pardon all nonviolent drug offenders, he is also eager to legalize drugs altogether.

With nearly three-quarters of the inmate population presenting with addiction problems, Mitchell says, the state has effectively turned prisons into addiction treatment centers. He says the $35,000 taxpayers spend to keep each inmate incarcerated for a year could be better invested in proven treatment regimens.

"It's gotten to the point where with the scare tactics of the war on drugs, we're freeing pedophiles and sex offenders to make room for people who have addiction problems," he says.

Legalizing drugs, he says, offers a virtually overnight solution to Vermont's revenue shortfalls and shrinking agricultural sector. Were farmers able to grow marijuana, he says, the state would discover a cash crop that yields unprecedented profits. Taxes levied on the product, he says, would account for millions of dollars annually.

"It's just good policy," he says. "We could grow it in all our fields and have no problem finding people from New York or New Hampshire to buy it."

The Cow & Suckas // Death of a Gentleman

2008-09-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

Last night I had the pleasure of joining my favorite Magic Trick and his boys at a familiar water hole. Now, I may hate on the Cow for its hit-or-miss crowd and its erratic musical selections (from Def Leppard to Elvis Crespo to Lil Wayne) but when it comes down to it... I always have a good time there. That's the point, isn't it?

Lately, I have kept my distance from the Cow. I was slowly getting tired of the same slim pickings that I usually encounter there (not that I go to the Cow in the hopes of finding my Prince Charming). But last night I was pleasantly surprised by a young Latin gentleman who had the ability to lead. Yes, ladies... a gentleman. Not some random sucka who sidles up next to you, gyrating off beat saying, "You're so hot! You're so hot!" while stepping on your new shoes and spilling his AMF all over your arm. Not some drunk ass Jabbawockee wannabe grabbing onto your hip trying to make babies on the dancefloor then calling you a stuck up bitch when you turn around and say, "Um, no thanks."

I say, he was gentleman.

Not only did this guy take me by the hand and pull me towards him to whisper, "Would you like to dance with me?" in my ear, homeboy maintained a respectable distance by busting out Salsa twirls and leading me around the dancefloor. This is what dancing with a partner is supposed to be like! When I finally gave him the greenlight for a little contact, he did not smell like sweat, hard liquor, or cigarettes. And the best part is, he let me go at the end of the song. He let me shimmy and shake back over to my company and left it at that. He didn't follow me around like a stalker or whip out his cellphone with the false hope that one dance could turn into romance. At the end of the night (which is now 1:30am at the Cow, wtf?!) I ran into him and we said, "Goodnight, thank you for the dance" with a handshake and a smile. Game recognized game.

As I was saying good-bye, however, I also ran into a dude who I had been dancing with earlier in the night. He stood off to the side, watched the gentleman and I chat and felt it appropriate to declare, "That guy's whack, he ain't got nothin' on me" in a brazen attempt to get my attention. But, he failed. No pie for you, sucka.

So, for you fellas out there who are secretly reading this (I know who you are!), here's a few tips on shedding your sucka status. Now, I don't claim to be a know-it-all in playing the game, but I do understand simple rules of engagement. The only way to win is to be the best player in the field, right?

1) Act like a gentleman at all times. As related in my story above, it is impressive and quite refreshing for women who encounter suckas on a daily basis to meet a man with manners and class.

2) Drop the defeatist attitude. I once had a conversation with a sucka who did nothing but whine about his life. Instead of accepting responsibility for his state of discontent, he proceeded to air a laundry list of names, dates, and places on which he placed blame. His vernacular consisted mainly of, "I can't" or "I don't know" or "It's not my fault." After 45 minutes of complete negativity, I summed up all the tact I could manage and said to him, "Grow a pair. Stop complaining, start doing." No real lady is going to want a man who can't do for himself first.

3) Be cool. And I'm not talking about dressing like Kanye or dancing like Chris Brown. Check your ego at the door. If you don't know how to handle your liquor, stick to Shirley Temples and Rob Roys. Watch your choice of words in front of the ladies. And for fuck's sake, keep the machismo to a minimum. There is nothing more unattractive than a sucka who needs to puff his chest and blow steam to prove that he is a man. Handle yourself appropriately, like my boy Josh once told me, "Never lose your sexy."

---

Portrait of a Gentleman:

"If you don't have enemies, you don't have character."
Paul Newman

01.26.1925 - 09.26.2008

Student First. Performer Second.

2008-09-28T18:36:00.000-07:00

"As with any art form, there is so much training one must do before they should EVER even consider being an ambassador of that art form."

-Micaya

Micaya is an old dance instructor of mine from Dance Mission Theater in San Francisco. She taught me that one can NEVER be too old to dance, to always bend my knees, to NEVER act like a diva ("Leave your ego at the door and learn"), and that "the beat is God." I take her words to heart as I continue my journey to the dream.

I also watch these videos to remind myself that I have to be disciplined in my study so that I don't end up looking like these girls....

You know how some people tell you not to touch a knife or a gun until you fully comprehend the power that it holds? I shall not get up on stage until I've got enough power, confidence, and bravada to work it like a boss.

God bless!

Barak Obama // Vent.

2008-09-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

"And they can even elect a black president, but he's useless
Because he doesn't control the economy stupid."
-Immortal Technique

-----

Let me get this straight.

I gave my money to you so that I wouldn't lose it. I paid you "x" amount of money every month for insurance, just in case something bad happened to me. All of a sudden, you can't seem to find the money I gave you. In fact, you can't find a lot of people's money. When I ask you how such a thing could possibly happen, you don't have an answer and even if you did, it would be a lie. Instead of taking responsibility for your actions, you declare yourself bankrupt claiming that you don't have the resources to payback the money for which you were liable.

Someone's knocking on my door again, one of your minions trying to serve me another eviction notice. Now you're trying to take my house because I don't have the money to pay off my mortgage. I try to think positively and count my blessings: at least I still have a job. But for how long? You've been laying off thousands of people in the past few months. What makes me think that I am not threatened too?

You tell me, "Why don't you just go back to school?" You tell me this knowing full well that I cannot afford to pay for tuition and books. Even if I could afford to go to school, you would make sure that I got no attention, no focus, no progress, only a $80,000 debt that I won't be able to pay off because you wouldn't be able to offer me a job after I graduated anyway!

So I'm sitting here with no money in the present, no money earned from the past, and no money waiting for me in the future. I have no home, no job, no education. And then I read in the paper that President Bush wants to give you $700 Billion for your troubles.

FUCK YOU.

Message From the A.N.S.W.E.R Coalition

2008-09-23T15:53:00.000-07:00

Demand that the Bailout Legislation Be Rejected

"We are witnessing a bankers' coup d’etat. In the name of saving the economy from a crisis created by their own greed and immense profits, Bush and the biggest bankers have taken a country and a people hostage.

“Give us your money and tear up what’s left of your Constitution or we will sink your economy,” is the message from Wall Street and the Bush Administration. “Give us the power and money we demand or you will be left jobless from a new economic depression."

Under the pretext of the banking crisis, the Bush Administration is changing the way this country operates. This is not simply taking trillions of dollars from the people and giving it to the richest bankers to do with as they see fit.

Congress is poised to vote to give the Executive Branch of government, and specifically the White House’s political appointees in the Treasury Department, the absolute right to take our money and give it to domestic and foreign banks and corporations without any oversight of elected officials, from the courts, or from the people.

The new legislation states: “Decisions by the Secretary [of the Treasury] pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.” The Legislation allows the Treasury Department to appoint the same bankers who created the crisis to administer and dictate the use of trillions of our tax dollars.

We will not stand by and let the Bush Administration formalize its vision of a “government of, by and for the richest bankers."

The new system institutionalizes theft on a grand scale. Lehman Brothers bankers will receive $2.5 billion in bonuses after their company went bankrupt last week, but the new dictatorial authority under the White House and Treasury Department has ruled out any relief for the millions of working families who are being foreclosed.

We live in a $15 trillion annual economy. Instead of taking our tax dollars and giving it to the already rich and powerful, these funds should be used provide to decent paying jobs, affordable housing, health care and a good education for our children. There is another way!

Now is the time to hear the voice of the people. A spineless Congress authorized Bush’s illegal war in Iraq and rubber-stamped the Patriot Act. Now they are being herded like sheep again to give the White House and Wall Street dictatorial control over the people’s money."

Click Here to Send a Letter to Congress

Dita Von Tesse for Agent Provocateur

2008-09-23T00:34:00.001-07:00

I love how she made the performance into a little vignette. Slash, I've seen the outfits that Agent Provaceteur sells and holy shit. What I would give to dance in one of those outfits.... Not really practical for a pole dance, but hey a dancer doesn't have to twirl the whole time does she? Burlesque strip teases look like hella fun.

Check out the "Be Inspired" section of the site!

The Cost of New York City // Field Study

2008-09-21T00:19:00.000-07:00

A single ride to Lower Manhattan on the MTA: $2

Seeing Ground Zero on September 11, 2008, sending out a prayer at St. Patrick's Cathedral, and getting a free Jazz show at City Hall Square: Priceless.

One hour bike ride through Central Park for two: $20.

Riding through Central Park in the rain: Priceless.

Late night cab ride from Brooklyn to Jamaica then ANOTHER cab ride from Jamaica to Great Neck: $70

Getting a private dance lesson from a self proclaimed "hoodrat" from Barbados: Priceless.

Admission for one student to the Museum of Sex: $8.25

Seeing a turtle masturbate with a staircase: Priceless.

One paperback copy of The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene: $18

Having 5 hours of quiet on the flight home to just read: Priceless.

Missing 6 days of paid work: $692.16

Spending 10 days in New York City with my best friend: Priceless.

eL <3 OG beb forever.

---
Sin City Cabaret & Restaurant.
09.18.08

Researching pole technique, possible outfits, and the vibe of a true Gentleman's Club.

While it was a hands-on experience, I was surprised that the security guards weren't really doing shit. Up in the VIP room my girl was able to snatch a fistful of ones that were flying in the air. If I was dancing in the VIP room I would get a freakin' bodyguard or something. That way someone's watching out for me and my money at all times.

As demeaning or immoral as the whole occupation sounds, I think that some of the dancers really find their job fulfilling. To put it bluntly, some of us females are just freaky like that. At one point I was watching someone get a lap dance near my table. I immediately made eye contact with the guy and, without taking his eyes off me, he spanked the dancer's ass on both cheeks! I'm talking bare assed discpline. It was the hottest thing I had ever seen.

There was a good population of females in attendance that night too. On the way to our table, I was knocked over by a group of huge black women trying to get to the stage so that they could tip their favorite dancer. Speaking of the dancers...

The dancers were just how I like them - round, meaty, and classy. (With the exception of those dancers who opted to wear nipple tassels. They looked gaudy.) My favorite dancer wore a purple leotard that was ripped up in strategic places. It left something to the imagination as she danced and was easy to take off once it came time to strip. Homegirl had an ass so fat you could see it from the front. There was very little pole dancing, unfortunately. It was Stripper Idol Thursday aka Amateur Night and I wanted to see what a novice pole dancer looked like on stage. One dancer held herself vertically upside down and was able to slap her thighs together mid air!! I noticed that the poles on stage were a lot higher than my current ceiling so I'm probably going to have to start with twirls and save the Cirque du Soleil acrobatics for later. Gives me time to build muscle. =)

And finally, Sin City was also the ONLY spot I hit up in New York City that had good-looking men. Maybe I'm attracted to well-dressed men with money or maybe the Bronx just got the swag that I like... I don't know. I would've given some of those fellas private dances any day of the week. Holler.

Pulling Knowledge Wherever I Go

2008-09-15T09:33:00.000-07:00

"Give love, compassion and positive education to the incarcerated and they will give back love and compassion to society. Give hate and no compassion to the incarcerated and they wil gve back total anarchy to society."

-Todd Ray Abernathy

----

"Grounded is a state of mind. You don't seem to be grounded at this stage and its not a bad thing... it just means that nothing's holding you down right now. You got your wings spread for the next couple years of your life. You have big dreams, girl."

-Edwin, a kindred spirit born and raised in Brooklyn and living in on Long Island. We were sharing stories of our lives and he basically broke my life down for me.

New York City. // Pole Dreams

2008-09-09T23:57:00.000-07:00

Lift off in a couple of hours.

Nervous, yes, because I'm an East Coast first-timer.

Excited enough to bring 5 pairs of shoes, three of them stilettoes. I gotta knock them Brooklyn boys dead, ya dig? Bring a little West Coast swag.

Prepared to never come back because I fall in love with Big City Lights so easily.

---

Isn't it beautiful? It's not mine, but by the time I hit quarter century, it will be.

For the past year I have been harboring dreams of becoming a stripper. Well, maybe not a stripper . . . shall we say an exotic dancer? A burlesque performer? A champion pole dancer?

Hate on me all you want. My sense of self, while not entirely complete, has progressed from that timid middle school girl that hid behind oversized jackets that covered my frame to a slightly Narcissitic young woman sporting cut-off wife beaters and a pair of killer stilettoes (see above).

I do not sing. I do not rap. I do not play instruments. And I am certainly no model. This I have come to accept over the years. But there is one dream that I am not going to let go unlived. This is my new obsession, my objective: performing on a titanium pole in stripper shoes. Again, hate on me all you want. Let society's stigma of half-naked dancing influence your judgments. I don't give a fuck. This is my dream, not yours. And my dream will not serve to objectify me.

That being said... my next big purchase (after, of course, the canvas art of Mos Def for my apartment) is going to be a removable dance pole and a set of mirrors for my living room walls. Now, I don't plan on making any money off of this dream. (Unless my boy Mac Boo makes it as a rap superstar and hires me to be backgroud eyecandy. Love ya, Boo!) I plan on living my dream in private for the sole purpose of personal self-development. I love to dance. I love to be sexy. I love when people watch me do both. Like I said, narcissitic. Not to say that I'll take my dream to the streets and offer it up to casual passersby or post performances on youtube for all to see. I wouldn't subject innocent bystanders to that. Oh no, this will be the special treat. The icing on my future husband's cupcake. Pa-dow! Some women can bake pies, others hem slacks. I'll be the only wifey on the block who can twirl. I've already got my first song picked out: In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins... that drum rift in the middle of the song is just sessy.

But, more important than whoever my Prince Charming may be... is the fact that when I picture that beautiful pole in the middle of my kitchen... I can't help but laugh. I can't help but think of all the fun that I'll have with it. I can't help but say to myself, "eL, you're fucking awesome." My dream isn't the most practical application of my hard earned money, yes, that much I will admit. But, neither are my tattoos. I'll leave practically to my mother.

Target Date to Live the Dream: March 1, 2009.

Until then...

Musical Therapy

2008-09-09T02:20:00.001-07:00

Dedicated to the late Claire Gunn.

Sean, if you're reading this . . . I think of you more often than you think.

Wanting Memories - Sweet Honey in the Rock

"I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes

You used to rock me in the cradle of your arms
You said you'd hold me till the pains of life were gone.
You said you'd comfort me in times like these and now I need you,
Now I need you and you are gone.

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
Since you've gone and left me, there's been so little beauty,
But I know I saw it clearly through your eyes.

Now the world outside is such a cold and bitter place,
Here inside I have few things that will console.
And when I try to hear your voice about the storms of life,
Then I remember all the things that I was told.

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.

I think on the things that made me feel so wonderful when I was young.
I think on the things that made me laugh, made me dance, made me sing.
I think on the things that made me grow into a being full of pride.
I think on these things for they are true.

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes.
I thought that you were gone but now I know you're with me,
You are the voice that whispers all I need to hear.

I know a please, a thank you, and a smile will take me far,
I know that I am you and you are me and we are one,
I know that who I am is numbered in each grain of sand,
I kow that I've been blessed again and over again.

I am sitting here wanting memories to teach me
To see the beauty in the world through my own eyes."
-Wanting Memories
Sweet Honey in the Rock

Headlines.

2008-09-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

What more has to happen on these streets for something to change?

"Mayor Gavin Newsom says violent crime is down and so is the City's homicide rate."

Newsom, you're a douche. Open your eyes, your City is deteriorating. But I guess, your "recovery", your wedding, and your race to the Governor's mansion are more important, right?

---

"1 out of every 100 Americans is imprisoned."

Yes, our corrections industry has grown to grotesque heights. At present, the California Corrections Peace Officer's Association is so heavily financed that they're willing to petition current Governor Arnold Schwarezenegger's recall from office. And WHY? Because they haven't received their raise this term.

Fuck them. While you're asking to get paid more, California's education system is reaching new depths. Money is being taken away from students, who already need 2-3 part-time jobs just to survive, and being put into our prisons. Statistics show that half of those imprisoned aren't even of age. 50% of those release are rearrested in 2 years. The other 50% released are illiterate or dealing with major mental health and drug addiction issues.

We are raising a generation of prisoners, people. That doesn't fly with me, considering that those growing, maturing, and learning RIGHT NOW will be the people that are going to take care of me in my old age.

Fuck, I just hope that my Criminal Justice degree doesn't bite me in the ass someday. Thank freakin' God, Obama shares my views. More money put towards diversion programs, drug court programs.... but as he promotes turning the issue away from the corrections and prison industry and toward public health , California is sitting still on a state budget that has already cut numerous mental health programs, especially here in San Francisco.

Lyric 09.06.08

2008-09-06T22:58:00.000-07:00

"Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on another."

-Justify My Love

Madonna

Working on Saturdays

2008-09-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

If the paperwork is done by 9am, you may youtube for the rest of the day. Coffee, bagel, and an air conditioned office? I'm straight.

#1 Rex Navarette- Death of a Manila Folder. Quite possibly my favorite segment ever. "What the fuck was Narding thinking?!"

#2 Courtney & Will- Samba. I. Want. To. Do. This. Give me a dress, a man like Will and I'm all over it. Thrills.

Tales of the Mission.

2008-09-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

(please click) Mission District Headlines, Sept 05, 2008

Trina E. is on assignment in the hood where I spend a majority of my time. She asks me, "What kind of issues does the Mission District face?" I am astonished that she doesn't already know.

This is what I'd like to call the armpit of San Francisco. It sits at a lower elevation than the rest of San Francisco, insulated from western Pacific fog and wind, it is almost always sunny. Everyday I walk on sidewalks that reek of human waste and on hot days like these, the Mission becomes the devil's playground. This is what the tourists don't see.

----

Between the BART elevator and the local Walgreens sits three Latin men, sprawled on the pavement clutching 32oz. aluminum cans masked by brown paper bags. Their faces have traces of dirt and grime, indications of where they laid their heads the night before. Fifteen feet away, crouching up against the BART rails is a woman, 30 going on 70, breathing deeply. I watch as she lifts up her soiled dress and pierces her outer thigh with a needle. Across the street, where the McDonald's is, there is a line of children wearing blue and white plaid school uniforms taking in their environment and learning from it.

----

On my way to the office, there is graffiti on the wall. It reads, "Beer Picnicy" in bold red letters right next to a mural that tells a story of hope. But you would never notice it underneath the spray paint. Every other week, I put in a maintenance request to have graffiti washed off of my building's walls.

----

I look out my window and watch a grown man and grown woman duke it out on the street over a small plastic ziplock bag and its contents. They yell. They push. He spits on her. My coworkers and I watch the drama unravel and finally the police are called. But by the time the cop car rolls around, they are long gone.

----

Three teenagers are shot in the face: two dead, the other paralyzed. A 15 year old daughter picked up for prostitution, brought home only to steal money from her father and head back out to the streets. Another daughter kicked out of her home because her family cannot make her go to school, instead she robs liquor stores. A man living out of a suitcase tells me that he would rather pay two grand on gold jewelry than pay for rent. Three males who don't look a day over 14 sit atop Dolores Park on a school day carrying around 40oz Old English bottles instead of books.

----

He asks me, "Why do you want to help me so much?"

"Because I want to feel safe when I'm out there," I say pointing out the window. "I don't want my children to live in a world where people like you are roaming around. If I can help you become better, then that world becomes better."

It sounds selfish, I admit. Maybe a little harsh, but it is the truth. With this man, I think I am making a difference. I pat myself on a job well done.

Two weeks later, I find out that he is back in jail.

----
I see these things. I hear these things. And while I do not suffer the same fate, I live these things. I try hard not to let this world ruin my idealistic version of San Francisco life but it does. Am I fighting a losing battle?

Even if I am, I can't stop fighting.

Impatience.

2008-09-04T17:38:00.000-07:00

My horoscope says to me today, "Romance does very well for the paired Fish but may appear to go on hold for some reason for those in new or non existent status. Opportunity appears to be delayed until the cosmos can work out the next encounter. Smile and know that the Universe is working on it."

Today I want to say "Fuck the Universe" . . . but I won't because I trust.

This only makes my impatient-demanding-addictive personality more agitated. A Pisces can only have so much patience before she packs up and leaves. Keep in mind... water douses fire and fire boils water to steam.

Smile, eL. New York City is less than a week away.

Sidenote: I just got my ticket and I found out that we're getting $900 for 9 days. Smile, eL. Smile.

Reason # 2 Why I <3 Music.

2008-09-03T22:11:00.001-07:00

It provides a bridge between people to connect on one united front. It brings a message to the people.

Due to a lack of cable TV, I missed the entire convention. But I loved this. Thank you, Ricky Vincent.

Cosmpolitan Magazine 08.31.08 // Lyric 09.03.08

2008-09-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

"2% of women can have an orgasm without even being touched."

Holler. =)

----

I said, "Excuse my hands."

She said, "Boy, stop playin and

Make love to your #1 fan."

-Please Excuse My Hands

Plies ft. the Dream

Living the Dream

2008-08-30T08:48:00.000-07:00

"You're gonna blog about this tomorrow morning, I bet."

-----
The first thing I see when I walk into to the room is the pole. Red, lifted, inviting. I dance around the idea of jumping on that circular stage, wrapping my legs around the metal pole and doing a private dance. . . but this is a public place. And even though the security guard standing in the back of the room has already given me the thumbs up, I remain grounded. I stay in the audience with the rest of the spectators, sip on my beer and laugh at the life before me. I stopped believing in magic a long time ago, but with a Coke in his hand and a chuckle on his brow, my favorite Magic Trick restores my faith in human connection. These moments remind me that true relationships come from experiencing life. So we tap drinks and wait for the show to start.

"There's a lot of dudes here," he observes.

My eyes sweep the length of the bar and wander up the VIP stairs. Something purple catches my eye. Or was it something shiny? A beautiful ebony woman sitting alone at a table, wearing sunglasses indoors and bobbing her head steadily to the beat. She had no facial expression, but the rhythmic motion of her neck spoke volumes. I point out her beauty to my friend and he teases me, daring me to tell her she's beautiful.

"Or buy her a drink," he says. In an instant I understand what it's like to be a man looking at a woman. It takes a good amount of courage to approach a beautiful stranger. It takes self-confidence to be able to verbalize a thought to someone you barely even know but to whom you are undeniably attracted. It is definitely not so easy for you boys.

"Guys just gravitate toward you," he explains. "You don't even have to get up for someone to come and talk to you. Girl, you've got it easy."

I nod my head even though the situation only happens every once in a blue moon. It is easier for girls because it's not so often that we, as women, feel the need to actively search for a dance partner. All we need to do is get on the dancefloor and the prospects come in droves.

Fast forward half an hour later, San Quinn is on stage and I am sitting up against the wall swaying side to side. This is my first live contact with the artist, he introduces himself as a neighbor from the other side of the hill, "but I got love for Pacifica too." This is the place it all began.

Then San Quinn says the thing that I've been waiting the whole night to hear.

"All right, I know there are some beautiful ladies in the house tonight and I want to invite you all to come up here with me. We're going to have a little showdown. Whoever can break it down the best, I will buy you a drink."

After 5 live shows in the past 3 weeks, I finally got my chance. At first I was hesitant, shy at the idea of getting up on stage. I mean, I wasn't even wearing my dancing shoes! Not to mention the fact that I would be up on stage with women in hootchie freak-um dresses getting paid to shake their asses. I had to collect myself. Did I want to put myself out there like that? Am I that kind of girl to just "break it down" for a free drink? So I ran to my security guard to ask for guidance and without even a second thought, he takes my hand and leads me past the dancefloor and practically throws me onto the stage. I am the first one up. Looking out at the audience below me, I start to feel a rush that I hadn't felt since I was a child. The bright lights and buzz of an almost invisible crowd send electricity up and down my body. I kick off my shoes and throw them to the back of the stage. By this time, I am relieved to find a bevy of women surrounding me, I am no longer the only one.

I find the perfect escape in a white girl wearing a cast. Pointing to her disability, I yell into the crowd, "Homegirl's got a cast on! She should win!" Slowly, as San Quin begins the next song, I inch my way so that the girl with the cast is directly between me and the audience. I am still dancing, no doubt, but this way I feel I cannot be seen. Things are going swimmingly, swaying my hips and making use of my quiet swag, until out of nowhere San Quinn reaches for my hand and pulls me center stage. Fuck, I didn't even think he was looking. But there I am, eye to eye to the Mighty as he's in my face - eight bars dripping from his lips.

Then, here goes the hook followed by the verse and no longer am I worried about what people are thinking cause I got San Quinn at my feet.

"Let me see you just wind it up, wind it up, wind it up... Let it go!!

The way you're moving, cutie, you're cute too

All eyes on you, all men salute you

Rock it if it's positive,

Tonight you're looking confident

I wanna touch, I wanna clutch

Take it as a compliment.

You got that heat girl

You got that fire

You the life of the party girl

I can't deny it."

-Wind It Up, San Quinn

At the end of the song, I snap out of a trance. I revert back to the nerdy Asian girl who just came for the music and rush off stage. I never got my drink from San Quinn but the dance was enough. Holllllllerrr!!

San Quinn live @ the Octopus Lounge 08.29.08

he (the music)

2008-08-28T23:33:00.000-07:00

Again, this would be better heard out loud.
----

he (the music)

<3el

He is the music

A song that I sang twenty years ago

When my mind was was undeveloped

And my world compressed into Barbie and Ken dolls,

Atari video games, and Cabbage patch kids.

I fashioned him, flesh and bone,

From the beat of my heart to the rhythm of my soul

He sang to me

He was a lyric, a note

A hook, chorus, verse

Reaching out through the needle of my father's old 45

Scratching the groove of wounded knees, broken skin,

And a young impressionable heart that had so much left to learn.

I cradled him against my stomach

Thrived from the heat of his song

And grew into my teenage years living in fantasies

In which he was the soundtrack and I was the player,

The medium through which he existed.

He is the music

A stunning acapella that I sang in my sleep

He flowed through me

Like steady water over the course of a million years

He carved into me

He held me

Through nights laying on my bedroom floor

Curled up in a twisted fetal position

Praying for release, praying for gain

Praying for something organic to alleviate the pain

And his tongue licked my wounds with words undeniable

Like a shaman he called forth spirits from the past with a sweet somber elegy,

Brought my lonely jagged soul to life with the power of a melody

He is the music

How quickly he changes form from a low soulful croon

Sang into the head of a microphone

To the pounding sound of a million Taiko drummers

Heart racin, sweat pourin so intense I can't ignore him

He is my blood

He is my Harmony

He is 16 straight bars of sexy baritone

Creating movement in the streets and a revolution lead by beats, rhymes, and life

He is my bullhorn.

Late at night he comes to me, a smooth operator, my midnight conductor

Causing the sun, stars, moon and sky to sway on his command

By the flick of his hand

He creates symphony

Pushing my thighs apart, he rapes the vocals from my throat

Urging me, begging me, demanding of me to release the falsetto

That I stifle, keep hidden, keep trapped in a cage

He rattles me.

He is the music

An absolution from the pulpit, a direct from God gospel

Tambourines banging on my palm

He saved me with his cadence of faith

And like any good martyr I allowed his requiem

To echo off of my existence so that he could be heard

By all those who knew me.

He is the music.

He is what moves me.

the 12th letter

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