"I can do for you what Martin did for the people Ran by the men but the women keep the tempo It's very seldom that you're blessed to find your equal Still play my part but let you play the lead role Believe me I'll follow this could be easy I'll be the help whenever you need me I see you hustle with my hustle I can keep you Focused on your focus Let me feed you."
When I was young I spent hours dreaming about romance. Drawing inspiration from TV shows like Dawson's Creek (Joey & Pacey), Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Buffy & Angel!!!), and the classic one season masterpiece of teenage angst: My So-Called Life (Angela and *sigh* Jordan Catalano), I was able to create storyboards of drama and fantasy. A True Pisces, I spent late night hours dreaming up Disney-like movies that I played over and over in my mind.
That being said... I'm looking for romance in my relationships. Not commitment or financial stability or even sexual satisfaction. Yes, I enjoy the mindfuck and crackin' jokes, but what makes a friendship different from a RELATIONship... is it not the romance? Now that I'm older and have experienced both good and bad romances, I have a pretty good idea of the kind of man who would play the starring role in my romance to end all romances.
Enjoy, dear readers, the words of 6 women that have achieved my dream and have manifested my perfect romance in lyric form.
#1 Soldier - Destiny's Child
"A rude boy that's good to me, street credibility If his status ain't hood, I ain't checkin' on him Better be street if you lookin' at me."
Yes, yes, he will be the cliche bad boy. I can't help it! I'm attracted to hoodstars in Nikes and not preppies in khakis!! "I tried that good boy game but the doughboy's turnin' me on." (I Can't Leave 'Em Alone, Ciara) And rap sheets are strangely attractive me. I can't explain this one, ladies. Just trust that I'm smart enough not to get into more drama than I can handle.
#2 Whatta Man - Salt N Pepa feat En Vogue
"Never disrespectful cause his mama taught him that."
He will love his mother. Mama's boys are taught how to respect, love, and fear women and will thus, be respectful, loving and fearful of you. =) I just pray that his mother doesn't have a complex when it comes to her son and she'll be able to let him go peacefully. Don't worry, mothers... I'm a good girl!
#3 Infatuation - Christina Aguilera
"Mama used to warn me not to rush love with another She said, 'I'm not tryin to lecture I just care about my daughter' 'Ay Mama, you seem to forget I never will let a man control my emotions' But when he smiles I feel like a little child and when he says 'I am full blood boricua' Reads the tattoo on his arm."
The entire song is a play by play. It will be love at first sight, fa sho, because i believe that the intensity of attraction plays a big role in romance. Though, right now the "boricua" is replaced by "filipino." For some reason I am in love with my Filipino brothers right now. Especially the ones that remind me of my father (but not in an uncomfortable way) and especially the ones that have interesting ink. This dialoge is also exactly what my mother tells me every time I talk about boys.
#4 Love Rain - Jill Scott f/ Mos Def
"He was brown, deep Said he wanted to talk about my mission Listen to my past lives (Word?) Took me on long walks to places where butterflies rest easy Talked about Moses and Mumia Reparations, blue colors, memories of shell topped adidas He was fresh, like summer peaches Sweet on my mind like block parties and penny candy Us was nice and warm, no jacket, no umbrella, just warm At night we would watch the stars And he would physically give me each and every one I felt like cayenne pepper,red,hot,spicy I felt Dizzy, Sonya, heaven, and Miles between my thighs Better than love,we made delicious He me had,had me he He made me tongue tied I could hear his rhythm in my thoughts I was his sharp, his horn section His boom and his bip And he was my love."
I had to put the entire first verse because it rings true. A romance should always include exchanges of passionate thought, belief, and experience or what I like to call mindfucking. A man who has no passion in other areas of life other than relationships is dull, boring, and tends to become a little too codependant for my taste. You can recognize a man who has passion by his ability to recognize your own. Mos Def does a poetic job at his reply so check his lyrics if you have time. Also, anything that can be described as "delicious" has got to be romantic.
#5 Underneath Your Clothes - Shakira
"All the things I deserve for being such a good girl."
All good things are worth the wait and hard work, right? Nothing comes easy or quickly. And I believe that one day, I'm going to get the man I deserve. Never lose faith, hopeless romantics... dreams come true everyday!
I thought I had only imagined seeing your face last night. That moment could have been a dream - my heart beat echoing in time with the technotranceravehouse music in the air, neon lights flashing red blue green and yellow. It could have been a dream. You reached around my waist, like you did once before, and by that simple connection - the skin of your fingers and the skin on my stomach - I knew I wasn't dreaming. You are real. You exist.
With a slow burning cigarette balanced in between your fingers, you take off your hat, like the true gentleman that you are, and I am reminded of everything you once told me. You wanted to be mine. My mace, my lover, my best friend. And then in the midst of trying to remain strong independant and unbroken I let you slip out of my life and into the arms of another woman. I let you go because I was afraid to hold on to you.
Seeing you with someone else was not the tragedy I expected. It made me happy to see you happy. It was what I wanted for you all along.
And so you keep coming back to me, dear boy, in times and ways that I never expect. The reality of our relationship is this: I cannot hold you down as you cannot hold me down. I cannot promise you what you cannot promise me. Right now, we can only give each other the peace of mind that comes in knowing that the other exists. I believe our time will come. For now, I am satisfied for another opportunity to press my lips against you and let you know I am doing well.
"You're gonna blog about this tomorrow morning, I bet."
----- The first thing I see when I walk into to the room is the pole. Red, lifted, inviting. I dance around the idea of jumping on that circular stage, wrapping my legs around the metal pole and doing a private dance. . . but this is a public place. And even though the security guard standing in the back of the room has already given me the thumbs up, I remain grounded. I stay in the audience with the rest of the spectators, sip on my beer and laugh at the life before me. I stopped believing in magic a long time ago, but with a Coke in his hand and a chuckle on his brow, my favorite Magic Trick restores my faith in human connection. These moments remind me that true relationships come from experiencing life. So we tap drinks and wait for the show to start.
"There's a lot of dudes here," he observes.
My eyes sweep the length of the bar and wander up the VIP stairs. Something purple catches my eye. Or was it something shiny? A beautiful ebony woman sitting alone at a table, wearing sunglasses indoors and bobbing her head steadily to the beat. She had no facial expression, but the rhythmic motion of her neck spoke volumes. I point out her beauty to my friend and he teases me, daring me to tell her she's beautiful.
"Or buy her a drink," he says. In an instant I understand what it's like to be a man looking at a woman. It takes a good amount of courage to approach a beautiful stranger. It takes self-confidence to be able to verbalize a thought to someone you barely even know but to whom you are undeniably attracted. It is definitely not so easy for you boys.
"Guys just gravitate toward you," he explains. "You don't even have to get up for someone to come and talk to you. Girl, you've got it easy."
I nod my head even though the situation only happens every once in a blue moon. It is easier for girls because it's not so often that we, as women, feel the need to actively search for a dance partner. All we need to do is get on the dancefloor and the prospects come in droves.
Fast forward half an hour later, San Quinn is on stage and I am sitting up against the wall swaying side to side. This is my first live contact with the artist, he introduces himself as a neighbor from the other side of the hill, "but I got love for Pacifica too." This is the place it all began.
Then San Quinn says the thing that I've been waiting the whole night to hear.
"All right, I know there are some beautiful ladies in the house tonight and I want to invite you all to come up here with me. We're going to have a little showdown. Whoever can break it down the best, I will buy you a drink."
After 5 live shows in the past 3 weeks, I finally got my chance. At first I was hesitant, shy at the idea of getting up on stage. I mean, I wasn't even wearing my dancing shoes! Not to mention the fact that I would be up on stage with women in hootchie freak-um dresses getting paid to shake their asses. I had to collect myself. Did I want to put myself out there like that? Am I that kind of girl to just "break it down" for a free drink? So I ran to my security guard to ask for guidance and without even a second thought, he takes my hand and leads me past the dancefloor and practically throws me onto the stage. I am the first one up. Looking out at the audience below me, I start to feel a rush that I hadn't felt since I was a child. The bright lights and buzz of an almost invisible crowd send electricity up and down my body. I kick off my shoes and throw them to the back of the stage. By this time, I am relieved to find a bevy of women surrounding me, I am no longer the only one.
I find the perfect escape in a white girl wearing a cast. Pointing to her disability, I yell into the crowd, "Homegirl's got a cast on! She should win!" Slowly, as San Quin begins the next song, I inch my way so that the girl with the cast is directly between me and the audience. I am still dancing, no doubt, but this way I feel I cannot be seen. Things are going swimmingly, swaying my hips and making use of my quiet swag, until out of nowhere San Quinn reaches for my hand and pulls me center stage. Fuck, I didn't even think he was looking. But there I am, eye to eye to the Mighty as he's in my face - eight bars dripping from his lips.
Then, here goes the hook followed by the verse and no longer am I worried about what people are thinking cause I got San Quinn at my feet.
"Let me see you just wind it up, wind it up, wind it up... Let it go!!
The way you're moving, cutie, you're cute too
All eyes on you, all men salute you
Rock it if it's positive,
Tonight you're looking confident
I wanna touch, I wanna clutch
Take it as a compliment.
You got that heat girl
You got that fire
You the life of the party girl
I can't deny it."
-Wind It Up, San Quinn
At the end of the song, I snap out of a trance. I revert back to the nerdy Asian girl who just came for the music and rush off stage. I never got my drink from San Quinn but the dance was enough. Holllllllerrr!!
The12thLetter is a focus primarily on two of my dialectial passions: crime/punishment and power/struggle. Sprinkled with music, lyrics and the Filipino culture, its a tribute to my journey coming up in San Francisco. Most of what you'll read are snippets of my experiences on the City's streets and excerpts focused on criminal justice related issues.
Ask not why the Universe directed me down this path.
From My Head
The icon of a Pisces is two fish, each swimming in opposite directions. They symbolize the dual nature of a Pisces.
This blog showcases my rougher personality, a place where I am less inclined to be docile and more in touch with reality.
