Day 2 of the Great Embargo

Now I know how drug addicts feel. I just smoked a broken cigarette out of desperation. The liquor store around the corner is closed and I smoked my last one on Monday. Bahhhh. It really is hard to quit smoking cold turkey! So I'm gonna try tapering off from 5-7 cigarettes a day to 2-3 cigarettes to being smoke free by my next birthday.

What caused my sudden interest in Smoking Cessation? Three reasons.

#1 Obviously, health reasons. Going to Allan's class the other day was a reality check that in order for me to be a successful dancer, I'm gonna need more stamina. I was struggling during his last eight count; it felt like my body was just shutting down after an hour and a half. My lungs are begging me to give them a break.

#2 I simply cannot afford to buy 2 packs of cigarettes a week. I thought about downgrading from my usual Marlboro Menthol Lights to Newports to save money, but then I thought ... aren't Newports even worse?

#3 For my mother... fuuuuck. Why is it always the mother that puts incessant guilt trips on you knowing that one day you're going to break just because you know she never will???? Whenever I call my mother I'm usually smoking a cigarette (to help me get through the conversation) and, without fail she will ask me, "Are you smoking?" I say "no" because I know that she knows I really mean "yes" but she knows that I will never say "yes" because it will just affirm her suspicions all along and the conversation just goes on and on and on . . . . Trust, it's an endless cycle.

Anyway, so I'm talking to my mother the other day and we get into the "Are you smoking" cycle and out of nowhere she says to me, "You know why you smoke right? It's because you're sad." Now, my mother (as I'm sure most mothers do) has this uncanny ability to sense and know everything that's going through my head and heart. This is especially true of the things that I am blind to. Her observation hit me like a brick wall. It may or may not be true, but when you think about it, why does anybody get caught up in addiction?

So, faithful readers, I seek support in any positive way. If I ask you for a cigarette, kindly turn me down. If I already have a cigarette and I ask you for a light, gently remind me that I need to quit but light me up anyway!!

=)